While every friend will have weaknesses and occasional bad days, a toxic friend has an overall bad vibe. They’ll take without giving, make everything about them, criticize and suck the life out of you, and make you wonder why you’re friends in the first place.

The good news is that there are loads of toxic friendship signs you can watch for to ensure your friendships remain healthy, balanced, and positive.

Signs of a Toxic Friendship

Toxic traits leave recipients feeling drained and confused about where they stand, both with the toxic person and the world at large. That’s why recognizing the warning signs of toxic behavior is essential for your mental health and well-being.

So…what are the signs of a toxic friendship?

If you experience three or more of these toxic friendship signs, you may be dealing with a truly toxic friend. Consider them red flags!

It’s all about them.

Toxic people will leave you giving way more than you receive. Their motto will unofficially be, “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.”

And you can never talk about yourself for longer than a minute or two before they redirect the conversation back to themselves.

You just started dating someone wonderful? Let me tell you about how amazing my boyfriend is!

Your child scored a touchdown? Ahh, that reminds me of my kid’s time in football…

They’re always the victim.

Everyone in their life has wronged them…or so they’ll tell you. While some people have truly lived miserable lives of pain and loss, a toxic person has done no wrong…ever.

They were a perfect, attentive husband at all times…but their ex-wife was a crazy witch. They selflessly sacrificed everything to help their friends…but their friends abandoned them.

And the fact that they nearly ate and drank themselves to death has nothing to do with the poor health they’re in now. They were cursed with bad genes!

Even unrelated circumstances, like the weather, can be blamed. “Of course, it would rain now. This always happens to me.”

There’s consistent drama.

While even good friendships are bound to face conflict and the occasional bad day, a toxic friendship can never quite escape it.

You’ll often find that just the sight of their name on a text will induce immediate stress as you wonder, “What now?” And more often than not, you’ll leave their presence feeling worse than when you arrived.

They constantly put you down.

Another sign of a truly toxic friend is that you will never do or say anything right in their mind.

They’ll criticize what you do and how you do it. Even if you’re doing something in an acceptable way, they’ll often believe that their way is the only right way to do it…and insist you follow suit.

They might even compare you to others to pressure you to do the things they want.

So-and-so goes to a dance class with her friend; she’s so supportive! And what’s-her-name is always running little errands for her best friends…must be nice!

This is one of the most obvious warning signs of toxic behavior.

They try to change who you are as a person.

A true friend will encourage you to be the best version of yourself. They want to see you living your best life.

This is one of the good things, if not the best thing, about a healthy friendship! But a toxic friend will encourage you to be someone you’re not.

They’ll insist you dress differently, act differently than your natural disposition, or even take up interests and hobbies that you don’t care about, or might even dislike, for their sake. While a true friend appreciates what makes you, you, a toxic person will insist on “improving” you to better suit their needs.

They don’t respect you or your boundaries.

The Oxford dictionary defines respect as “due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.”

A real friend will respect these things, as well as any healthy boundaries you set to protect your time, energy, and well-being. Toxic friends will not only disrespect you but call your boundaries selfish.

They don’t support you.

A real friend will always have your best interests at heart. They’ll be your cheerleader, not someone who makes you doubt your worth.

If you find your successes are met with indifference or cynicism rather than celebration and encouragement, it may indicate a lack of support. A true friend will resonate your happiness and back you in your endeavors, sowing seeds of confidence rather than doubt.

They can’t be trusted.

You may feel guarded when communicating with toxic people, knowing that anything you say can and will be used against you…or shared with others, even if you note that it’s private. You can speak freely within healthy relationships, knowing a real friend has your best interests at heart and won’t judge, manipulate, or betray you.

They need all of your attention. All of it!

Toxic friendships are usually codependent, which means the majority of their emotional and psychological reliance falls on…you!

They need you to be available to them at all times…pick up when they call, reply immediately when they text, and drop your plans to do whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it. It’s an unhealthy relationship that will leave you feeling suffocated.

But interestingly enough, they often don’t play their part as mutual friends. They don’t return the on-call status when you need them, won’t be bothered to return your texts if they’re in the middle of something, and certainly don’t have the bandwidth to make themselves available to someone else’s plans or schedule.

They get jealous of other people in your life.

Because they want all of your time, toxic people won’t like any other people who text, call, or spend time with you, whether a close friend, romantic relationships, or even family members.

They’ll ask who it was that just texted you and will find something to criticize about the other people in your life. If they “just have a bad feeling” about another person, they can even spin it as if they’re looking out for you!

They always try to one-up you.

In healthy relationships, friends encourage one another and celebrate each other’s victories. A true friend sincerely wants to see you living your best life.

But a toxic friend will always view you as their competition. This is a more subtle, yet telling, sign of unhealthy friendships.

They’ll struggle to celebrate your successes and the good things that happen to you without turning the spotlight back on themselves. And if you do one-up them, they’ll take a passionate stance that the thing you just accomplished isn’t important…or that it’s even negative.

They’re dishonest and manipulative.

Honesty and trust are at the foundation of healthy relationships. So watch out for patterns of lying, manipulation, and gaslighting.

These behaviors can undermine your reality, shaking your trust and self-esteem. If a close friend continually crosses your boundaries or uses shame as a tool, it’s a sign that the relationship lacks the mutual respect necessary for healthy relationships.

They rarely apologize.

As noted above, a toxic person has trouble seeing their own faults and therefore, hesitates to apologize. If they do apologize, it’s often in a way that redirects the blame back to you.

I’m sorry I said that, but you had to have known that would upset me! I wish you’d be more considerate in the way you word things to me.

They gossip regularly.

If they gossip about everyone else in their lives, there’s a huge chance they also gossip about you. Regularly cutting other people down is a strong indicator of a truly toxic friend.

They’re unpredictable and leave you feeling on edge.

Toxic people are wild cards.

Maybe they were sincere when they said that thing…or maybe they were being sarcastic and are now planning your demise. In toxic relationships, you sincerely believe your friend could go either way and are often nervous to learn their true intentions.

They leave you feeling emotionally drained.

Healthy relationships should leave you feeling energized, not depleted. If you’re consistently feeling drained or are carrying emotional heaviness after interacting with a close friend, these are red flags.

Healthy friendships enhance your energy levels and joy, but toxic friends in an unhealthy relationship will consistently give you a hard time. They can saturate your days with negativity, leading to stress and anxiety.

You blame yourself and feel responsible for their behavior.

In an unhealthy relationship, the toxic person will shift the blame for their negative behaviors onto you.

They’ll make you believe that if only you would have said or done things differently and better, they would have responded more positively. It’s actually your fault they blew up at you!

They may also leave you cleaning up their messes with others.

They’ll treat other people terribly, then leave you to explain that they’re going through a lot and didn’t really mean that. You may also find yourself regularly lying and/or covering for them.

These are red flags that shouldn’t be ignored!

Something just doesn’t feel right.

The best thing you can do for your own emotional health is to trust your gut! If you feel trapped or obligated to be their best friend…if you don’t look forward to seeing them and are happy when your plans together are canceled…or if you constantly feel drained and on edge…you’re probably in a toxic relationship.

Impacts of Participating in Toxic Relationships

Maybe you know you have a toxic friend, but you’re not quite convinced it’s all that bad. After all, you always have someone to hang out with, and having a hard time with a toxic friend is better than having no friend at all, right?

But the impacts of toxic relationships are pretty…well…impactful. Toxic friendships can significantly impact both your mental and physical health.

Impact on Mental and Emotional Health

Toxic friendships can lead to increased feelings of depression and anxiety. You might find yourself feeling more drained than uplifted after interactions.

Your self-esteem could suffer, and you may notice that you have a less positive outlook on life. Empathy for others may also be affected since dealing with a toxic friend can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, making it challenging to support others.

Influence on Physical Health

Beyond your emotional health, toxic relationships can also influence your physical health. The stress associated with an unhealthy relationship may contribute to high blood pressure.

Your immunity could be weakened due to the continuous stress hormones circulating in your body, potentially resulting in more frequent illnesses. Prolonged exposure to toxic friendships can even shorten your lifespan!

If you notice that your physical health is declining without a clear cause, consider evaluating your social connections.

How to Heal From a Toxic Friendship

Once you’ve identified toxic friendship signs, how can you heal and move forward?

Generously apply space and healthy boundaries.

It’s easiest to fairly assess a relationship when you’re not in the thick of it. The best thing you can do is to give yourself a bit of space and time away from your friend to reflect on your relationship and decide what boundaries you want and need to set.

Set healthy boundaries.

Actually setting your desired boundaries with a toxic person is often the hardest part.

They’ll tell you that you’re being way too dramatic and over-reacting. They might insist that your boundaries aren’t reasonable or fair.

They may even accuse you of acting selfishly.

This is why you’ll want to speak directly and assertively, responding to interruptions and arguments with the same few bullet points over and over until your friend realizes you don’t plan to engage in their emotional hijacking or gaslighting attempts. It may help to practice what you plan to say by yourself or with a good friend or family member before you approach your friend.

Prepare to part ways with your toxic friend if and when necessary.

Once they’re informed of your boundaries, it is up to your friend to decide if they will abide by and respect them in order to salvage the relationship…or if they won’t.

As a recovered people pleaser, I felt both terrified and liberated when I informed a toxic friend, “You can either respect my boundaries or we can end our friendship, no hard feelings. I would understand if those boundaries didn’t work for you and I would respect your decision.”

Take some time to think through the conversation and logistics of “breaking up” with your friend ahead of time so that you’re not thrown off guard if/when it comes time to part ways. (And if it does come to that, be sure to check out this post on how to heal when a friendship ends.)

Rekindle old friendships and make new ones.

Whether you remain friends or not, it’s important that your entire social life doesn’t depend on just one person. You certainly don’t need to have several best friends, but be sure that you’re regularly communicating and spending time with several different people.

I have some friends I meet up with monthly, some I text throughout the week, some I chat with at church and in the parent pickup line, and others I check in with every few months. Friendship is a lifeline that should be spread out over several people.

Take good care of yourself.

Taking the time to care for your physical, mental, and emotional health will keep you grounded even if and when your friends are not. And you know what they say…you can’t pour from an empty cup!

Recognize your personal value.

You are valuable, and your self-esteem shouldn’t be tethered to those who don’t recognize your worth. Start by:

• Reflecting on your strengths: List down your talents, skills, and the qualities that make you unique.
• Affirming your worth: Daily affirmations can reinforce your belief in yourself. Try statements like, “I am worthy of respect and kindness.”

This process helps rebuild the esteem that may have been eroded by a one-sided friendship, and transitions your mindset to one that fully appreciates your inherent worth.

Work to develop resilience.

Facing and overcoming the challenges of toxic relationships builds resilience. Here’s how you can foster this essential quality:

• Set healthy boundaries: Clearly define what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t in healthy relationships.
• Seek supportive networks: Engage with friends and communities that uplift you and respect your boundaries.

Resilience isn’t built overnight. It’s a muscle you strengthen every day by standing up for yourself and knowing that setbacks are part of your growth journey. Your experiences have given you a unique perspective that you can now use to navigate life with a new sense of clarity.

Consider therapy.

No, I’m not referring to couple’s therapy with your friend! I mean, seek therapy for yourself with a clinical psychologist.

A therapist on TalkSpace helped me to realize how I was inadvertently creating and enabling toxic relationships through my own words and actions. By digging to the root of my own identity, self-esteem, and mental health, I was able to relate to others in a much healthier manner.

Toxic Friendship Signs FAQ

What causes toxic behavior?

It’s difficult to say! Many toxic friends don’t know how to address their own hurts and struggles in a healthy way and so project them onto others instead.

Others have grown up to believe that the toxic relationships of their parents and other family members are normal and expected. They’ve never seen an alternative, healthy relationship demonstrated.

No matter what the cause, the important thing to remember is that toxic behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the toxic person.

Can a nice person be toxic?

A nice person can certainly be toxic. If they’ve grown up observing toxic relationships, they may be super kind and considerate and demand all of your attention, constantly compete with you, and gossip like it’s their job.

Being toxic doesn’t always mean that you’re angry and rude and throwing things at people. It means that you’re not actively contributing to healthy relationships. 

Is the toxic person toxic to everyone?

Not necessarily! I once knew a toxic person who delivered toxicity to her husband and children, but readily received it from her father.

Toxic people will often treat others in whatever way those people will accept treatment.

So if others accept an unhealthy relationship, that person will play the part of the toxic friend. But if someone sets healthy boundaries and refuses mistreatment, the toxic person will treat them with more respect.

Why do I attract toxic people?

Toxic people need those who will accept their toxic behavior. So if you struggle to set boundaries and readily take responsibility for others’ actions, you’re a solid candidate in their (likely subconscious) eyes.

This is another reason that I strongly recommend looking into counseling with a clinical psychologist.

It was there that I learned that many of the behaviors I was receiving from others were actually behaviors that I was allowing. My therapist helped me to set clear and direct boundaries to take back control of a large part of my life.

What are the subtle signs that indicate a friendship might be harmful?

Subtle signs of unhealthy friendships include feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, experiencing a one-sided dynamic where your efforts aren’t reciprocated, or sensing that your friend is envious rather than happy for your successes.

What strategies can be used to manage interactions with a difficult friend?

Limiting your availability and setting clear boundaries can help manage interactions. It’s also helpful to be direct about your feelings and the impact of their negative behaviors on you.

How do you know if you’re responding appropriately or overreacting to a friend’s negative behaviors?

Evaluate the situation by considering if there’s a pattern of negative behaviors.

Talk to someone you trust for perspective, and trust your feelings. If your well-being is compromised, your reaction is justified!

What are the traits of toxic romantic relationships?

Toxic romantic relationships can be harmful to one’s emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical well-being.

The signs of toxic romantic relationships are very similar to toxic friendships. Recognizing the toxic traits of such relationships is crucial in addressing the issues or deciding to leave the relationship for your safety and happiness.

Here are some common traits of toxic romantic relationships:

• Lack of Trust: Constant suspicion, jealousy without cause, and a general lack of trust pervade the relationship.
• Controlling Behavior: One partner may try to control where the other goes, whom they see, what they wear, or even how they spend their time and money.
• Dependency: One partner may be overly dependent on the other for emotional support, financial stability, or self-worth, often to an unhealthy degree.
• Poor Communication: Communication is marked by frequent misunderstandings, refusal to discuss issues, passive-aggressive behavior, or an inability to express feelings and needs healthily.
• Disrespect: This can manifest through belittling, name-calling, mocking, or other forms of verbal abuse that can chip away at a person’s self-esteem.
• Manipulation: Emotional manipulation is common, where one partner may use feelings of guilt, shame, or the fear of losing the relationship to control the other.
• Isolation: One partner may try to isolate the other from their friends, family, or social support networks.
• Frequent Arguments: While disagreements are normal and even inevitable in romantic relationships, constant arguing, especially over trivial matters, and the inability to resolve conflicts in a healthy way are warning signs of toxicity.
• Gaslighting: This is a form of psychological manipulation where one partner makes the other question their own memory, perception, or sanity.
• Lack of Personal Space: Failure to respect healthy boundaries and the need for personal space, insisting on being together all the time, or monitoring the other’s movements or communications.
• Neglect and Ignorance: One partner may consistently ignore the needs and wishes of the other, neglecting to provide emotional support or recognition.
• Physical or Emotional Abuse: Any form of physical harm, intimidation, or emotional abuse is a clear sign of a toxic relationship.
• Blame-shifting: Refusing to take responsibility for one’s actions and instead blaming the partner for their own behavior or the problems in the relationship.
• Unhappiness and Anxiety: Feeling constantly unhappy, anxious, or walking on eggshells around your partner, fearing their reactions.
• Inconsistency and Unpredictability: One partner’s mood and behavior may be highly unpredictable, causing the other to be in a constant state of uncertainty and stress.

If you recognize these toxic traits in your relationship, it’s essential to take them seriously. Toxic relationships can escalate and become more dangerous over time.

Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals such as a clinical psychologist or hotline can help you address the situation safely and effectively. Remember, everyone deserves a relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and healthy communication.

Toxic friendship signs are usually plentiful and relatively obvious in a toxic friendship. By learning how to recognize the signs and address them appropriately, you’ll be well on your way to building healthy and balanced friendships with others. You’ve got this!

P.S. Ready to break up with stress? Download our free guide to help you develop a game-changing stress management plan. Get yours free HERE!

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post 18 Toxic Friendship Signs + What to Do About Them appeared first on Deb Preston.

Having a healthy weight means they can do the things they love more easily (running at recess, playing sports, climbing stairs at water parks, etc), reduce their health risks of developing preventable diseases (like high blood pressure or sleep apnea), enjoy higher self-esteem, and more.

And frankly, enjoying a healthy weight just makes life easier! It means you can choose your clothes based on style rather than fit, meet your friends at a pool with fewer insecurities, and walk parks, neighborhoods, or even theme parks without struggling to keep up or catch your breath.

I can speak to this topic from personal experience as a mom. Plus, I earned my Bachelors of Science degree in Health and Exercise Science, so I can also tell you what the latest research has to say on the topic!

Are you wondering how to help a child lose weight without making them feel bad? Let’s talk about it!

First of all, don’t sweat passing phases.

Sometimes, weight gain is just a passing phase. Kids tend to grow out before they grow up, so they might put on a few pounds before shooting up a few inches.

Before my daughter hits a growth spurt, she tends to eat bigger meals, sleep in later than normal, and experience some mood swings. This kind of weight gain is all part of the very healthy process of growing up.

During these times, I try to make sure the meals and snacks she’s eating more of are healthy and balanced. (Binge away on fruits, veggies, and proteins, girl!) I also point it out to her as a phase, rather than treating it like her new, permanent lifestyle. “You’ve had a bigger appetite lately! I bet you’re about to grow a lot taller!”

Now, if extra weight gain sticks around longer, or becomes part of an unhealthy lifestyle, then it may be time to increase your support!

Focus on healthy foods first.

While regular physical activity plays a huge role in affecting your child’s weight, healthy foods should be your first step. (1) You don’t have to burn off unhealthy food you didn’t eat in the first place. (2) Healthy foods will give your child the energy they need to boost their physical activity levels.

There are a few ways you can go about this…

Make eating a mindful practice.

Studies show that when you eat while watching TV, scrolling devices, or playing video games, you tend to eat more and make less healthy food choices. So make eating a mindful experience!

Don’t allow your child to multitask while eating, even if the multitasking seems useful, like enjoying a snack while doing their homework. Pause what they’re doing, put meals and snacks onto plates and into bowls, and allow them to just eat.

Not hungry yourself? Sit down next to your child anyway! My daughter has told me so much about her day while she’s munched an after-school snack and I’ve kept her company at the kitchen table.

Move family dinners away from the TV (even for movie night!) and onto the dinner table. Ban devices, focus on your food, and visit as a family while you eat. This is a practice that will benefit so much more than just your child’s weight!

Provide lots of healthy food choices.

One huge advantage you have as a parent is that you decide when fast food is an option and when it’s not, and you control what meal and snack options are available in your home!

Ensure every meal starts with protein and focuses on balance. Sure, it would be ideal if you could cook up a nutritionist-approved meal with free-range baked chicken, whole grain rice, and farm-fresh vegetables, all in precisely-measured proportions. But you know what else would work? Adding some meat to your spaghetti and sneaking veggies into the sauce.

And don’t pile your pantry with unhealthy snack options. It’s okay to have a favorite junk food splurge here and there, but focus the majority of snacking on healthy foods like fruits, veggies, proteins, and whole grains. Think:

• apples or celery with a thin spread of nut butter
• watermelon slices
• frozen grapes (great on hot days!)
• cucumber slices dusted in Tajin or dipped in salsa
• carrot sticks with hummus
• cherry tomatoes
• string cheese
• hard-boiled eggs
• low-fat Greek yogurt
• cottage cheese with pineapple
• turkey roll-ups (roll a slice of deli turkey around a thin slice of cucumber or a pickle)
• protein shake
• raw almonds or walnuts
• roasted chickpeas
• air-popped popcorn with a mist of olive oil and a sprinkle of garlic powder

When your child doesn’t have loads of unhealthy choices available to them, they’ll get creative with what they do have. (Ask me how I know!)

Pause seconds.

My child is capable of eating a sandwich and a side and then immediately demanding seconds, insisting that she’s staaaaarving. Rather than telling her that amount of food is more than enough to fill her belly, I tell her to give that food time to reach her belly.

I remind her that our bodies need time to catch up, and that overfilling our body can make us feel sick. Pausing just 15-30 minutes before eating more allows her to experience and assess her true fullness, and sometimes makes her forget she ever requested seconds in the first place. It also allows you as a parent to acknowledge their needs (either real or perceived) without making them feel bad about it.

Get them involved in preparing and cooking healthy food choices.

Nothing gets buy-in faster than involving your kid in the process, whether it’s cooking healthier family meals or landing on a regular physical activity the whole family can enjoy.

Ask your child to choose a healthy recipe for your family to try. Invite them along to peruse the fruits and vegetables at the grocery store. Tell them they are the best potato peeler in the entire world and watch them take pride in joining dinner prep. (Hey, it worked with Devon Sawa!)

Don’t bring calories into the conversation.

I know a few people (even some close friends!) who would disagree with me here. We want our kids to be fully informed about their health, right?

But numbers like calories, grams of fat, or the number on the scale, tend to trigger self-consciousness and shame. Eleven-year-olds shouldn’t be counting calories; you can’t convince me otherwise.

Instead, focus on broader health concepts:

• “Let’s add some protein to this meal! That will make you stronger!”
• “I added some chopped spinach to the sauce so we get more vitamins to stay healthier!”
• “This meal feels too processed. What fresh, whole food do you think we could add to it?”
• “Colds are going around right now. Let’s be sure to eat healthy so we don’t get sick, too!”

These small changes in wording are still creating awareness around healthy behaviors and building healthy habits, but without pushing our young children into taking on adult responsibilities.

Ramp up regular physical activity.

Of course, regular physical activity plays a huge role in maintaining a healthy weight! Here’s how to ramp up your child’s physical activity levels without making it feel like a punishment.

Help them find active activities that they actually enjoy.

If they don’t enjoy it, it won’t become a part of their lifestyle unless you’re around to enforce it. And most kids would never choose to walk on a treadmill or lift weights.

Instead, consider walking the dog, shooting hoops in the driveway, or riding their bike or scooter around the neighborhood or a local park. Some kids will enjoy exploring new nature trails on a hike. Others would swim at the YMCA every day if you’d let them.

While we don’t want to enforce too much screen time, the internet can actually be our friend here! Google their favorite athlete’s workout plan and test it out together. Make a game of trying one new online workout trend a week…or learning one new TikTok dance!

Make it a family affair.

A great way to get your child more active without making them feel singled out is to incorporate more active family time.

Start a family tradition of taking a short walk together after dinner every night…or maybe shooting hoops in the driveway before bed. Announce that you want your family to spend more time together, so you’ll be going on a hike together…or for a jump at the local trampoline park…every first Saturday of the month. Buy a gym pass that offers a wide variety of activities (walking tracks, weights, basketball, volleyball, swimming pools, etc.) and allows your whole family to attend together.

These healthy habits and activities will allow you to be a good role model for your child, support the physical health of your entire family, and invest quality time together. Win-win-win!

Incorporate more movement into daily routines.

Ask any mom, anywhere, and they’ll tell you they spend less time sitting than any other person in their family. They’re working, cooking dinner, cleaning up after, and running back and forth between all of the people who need their help.

But…why? Why not involve both overweight children and your entire family in more “running”?

Give your child more tasks that require standing, walking, and light exercise throughout the day. Ask for their help in the kitchen, send them to take the trash out, enlist them in mowing the yard.

You can also ask them to walk to the mailbox rather than driving by it on your way home, park farther from store entrances, and walk grocery stores together rather than having groceries delivered. All of these little movements add up over time and will help to encourage a more active and healthier lifestyle.

Limit screen time.

Duh. This one is obvious but needs to be said.

Set daily limits. Set “hours” when screens are allowed and/or when they’re not. Enforce regular breaks from screens.

While I don’t like to use exercise as a punishment, this is one area where you could frame it as balance. “If you want to earn an extra 30 minutes on your tablet, you need to spend 30 minutes playing soccer with your sister. That’ll help balance sitting and staring, with moving!” Just make sure if you enforce that rule, that you do so with all of your children, so your overweight children don’t feel singled out.

Don’t ignore the psychology!

Even as adults, weight issues can carry a heavy mental and emotional load. Making sure you’re enforcing the right mindset will make the difference between giving your kid a complex or setting them up for a lifetime of good health.

Focus on health, not weight.

The goal shouldn’t be to hit a certain number on the scale, but to improve their overall physical health and subsequent quality of life, right? So nix the word “weight” from your vocabulary.

Rather than saying, “We need to lose weight,” try shifting the focus to, “I want to improve our health,” or “I want us to feel better and have more energy,” or “I want to get stronger!”

But how can we praise their progress (a very necessary and effective part of any weight loss plan) if we’re not constantly measuring our child’s weight?

Rather than assigning a number to them – weight, body mass index, body fat percentage, circumference measurements, clothing sizes – and measuring progress by that number’s movement, focus your praise on the results of their healthy choices.

• “You’ve had a lot more energy lately!”
• “Wow! You’re getting so strong!”
• “Holy cow, you’ve never run that fast before!”
• “Wow, you used to struggle to walk this far. Now you’re zooming past me!”
• “Look at those muscles you’re building!”
• “You could never jump on the trampoline this long before! Are you going to stay out here forever?!”

This kind of wording will praise their efforts, motivate them to continue, and do it all without planting the seeds of body dysmorphia or an eating disorder.

Find substitutes for the reasons they’re really overeating or under-exercising.

This entire process might make you realize that your child isn’t eating because they’re truly hungry, but because they’re stressed, depressed, or even bored. Or you might learn that it’s not that they don’t want to play outside more, but that they don’t feel like they fit in or have anyone to play with.

By addressing their underlying triggers, you can help them develop an overall healthier lifestyle, both physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Focus on building up their confidence and self-esteem.

Building your child’s confidence and self-esteem will give them the self-confidence and self-discipline they need to make healthier choices and lifestyle changes. And while an effective weight loss plan can help boost your child’s confidence, it should never be their only means of doing so.

We wrote an entire post on how to build confidence in kids and highly suggest you make it your next read!

Be a good role model.

Kids aren’t stupid. If you preach one thing, but practice another, they’ll see right through you to know that you’re targeting their weight. Being a good role model when it comes to your physical health, diet, and activity will not only convince your kids of what you’re telling them to do, but also provide them with a positive example that they can emulate.

In case you haven’t caught on yet, the tips in this post will work for everyone, not just young children! So don’t be afraid to take the journey along with your child. In fact, I promise you’ll be glad that you did!

What does the American Academy of Pediatrics have to say about healthy weight?

While it’s helpful to read about others’ experiences and tips on the internet, it’s also important to be aware of what the experts have to say. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) made some significant updates to its guidelines in early 2023 regarding children’s weight issues and childhood obesity.

How does the the American Academy of Pediatrics define “healthy weight”?

The American Academy of Pediatrics uses “body mass index for age” percentiles as their primary screening tool for young children and teens (ages 2 to 19).

As you’re obviously aware, children’s bodies change super rapidly as they grow. So unlike an adult, where a specific body mass index number (like 30) determines if you’re overweight, a child’s body mass index is compared to other children of the same age and sex.

• Healthy weight: 5th percentile to less than the 85th percentile.
• Overweight: 85th percentile to less than the 95th percentile.
• Obesity: 95th percentile or higher.
• Severe obesity: 120% of the 95th percentile or higher.
• Underweight: Less than the 5th percentile.

While obtaining my BS in Health and Exercise Science, I learned both in the classroom and in the field that body mass index is an imperfect measurement in many ways.

In both adults and children, it doesn’t take into account factors like muscle mass, bone density, or fat distribution. In children specifically, it doesn’t factor in growth spurts or puberty. So…take this number as you will.

How can you find out your child’s body mass index for age percentile?

The best way to find your child’s body mass index for age percentile (and to assess their physical health in general) is always going to be by talking to your child’s health care provider. But there are other ways to learn it outside of a clinical setting, too!

• CDC Growth Charts: Your child’s doctor uses CDC growth charts, which can be found on the good ol’ internet, to track your child’s height and weight. What matters most, though, is that your child is following their own “curve” consistently. This is where a dedicated health care provider can come in handy with your medical history!
• BMI Calculator: You can use the CDC’s Child and Teen BMI Calculator, but remember that it’s only a screening tool. It doesn’t measure body fat directly or account for muscle mass.

How does the the American Academy of Pediatrics suggest approaching childhood obesity?

Although they provide BMI measurements and calculators, the AAP emphasizes that health is about more than just a percentile. They recommend focusing on these lifestyle pillars:

• Nutrition: Increasing fruits, vegetables, and fiber while reducing sugar-sweetened beverages, highly processed foods, and fast food.
• Physical Activity: Aiming for at least 60 minutes of physical activity every day.
• Sleep: Ensuring your child is getting enough sleep, since poor sleep has been linked to weight gain.
• Screen Time: Limiting sedentary screen time.

And there you have it…how to help a child lose weight without making them feel bad. Did I miss any important tips or tricks? Be sure to share them in the comments!

And friend? You’ve got this!

P.S. Are you trying to eat less fast food as a family, but haaaaate cooking? We feel ya! Download our FREE ebook of 40 stupid easy recipes that will save you MAJOR time and effort, while keeping your family happy! Get yours HERE.

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post How to Help a Child Lose Weight Without Making Them Feel Bad appeared first on Deb Preston.

What if you don’t know how to celebrate someone’s achievements? What if it’s just not your “thing” or doesn’t come naturally to you? 

Well then, you’re in the right place! Let’s talk about how to celebrate someone’s achievements.

Personalizing the Recognition Experience

The first step in celebrating someone’s achievement requires determining how they prefer to be recognized. 

Some people love public shows of praise, while others would prefer a private handwritten note. Some people live for huge parties, while others just want to go out for a nice meal with their family.

Knowing the preferences of the person you’re celebrating will allow you to celebrate their hard work in the best way for them.

Understanding Personal Achievements

Personal achievements look different to everyone. 

Sure, some are universal, like graduating or starting a new job. But sometimes what might feel routine to one person feels like a big deal to another!

For example, my daughter had been struggling in a certain subject in school. When she aced a 5-question pop quiz (after bombing the last one), it was a huge personal achievement for her! Even though it was an everyday accomplishment for many of her classmates, to her, it was a sign of all her hard work finally paying off.

So pay attention to what the people around you value! Maybe they finally mastered a skill they’ve been working on for months. (You’d better believe I celebrated my Duolingo Japanese anniversary!) Or maybe they knocked out a project that had been sitting on their to-do list for years. Maybe they mustered up the courage to join a class or club or to start writing that book they’ve been dreaming about.

While they would certainly understand if these “smaller” personal achievements passed by unnoticed, your celebrating them in a meaningful way would send a powerful message to them. (I know this from experience!)

Whether big or small, ask yourself what made this personal achievement special for that specific person. Did they overcome a fear? Did they consistently show up for themselves? The meaning behind the achievement matters just as much as the achievement itself.

Tailoring Celebrations to Individual Preferences

Different people respond to different types of recognition. The best way to learn what each person prefers is to:

• Ask them directly about their preferences,
• Notice what motivates them in their daily work,
• Consider their personality and communication style, and
• Watch how they react to different types of praise.

Once you’ve observed them, you can match your celebration method to that person. 

Give public recognition to those who enjoy the spotlight. Send personal messages to those who prefer privacy. 

Give gifts to those who value physical rewards. Log extra hours with those who prefer quality time.

Be sure to consider their interests too! A book lover might appreciate a gift card to a bookstore. An outdoor enthusiast might enjoy some cool new gear. 

A personal touch will not only create positive emotions, but also show you see who they are as a whole person.

Celebrating Major Milestones and Team Success

Both personal major milestones and the major achievement of an entire team call for bigger celebrations.

Writing a book, launching a new business, or losing 100 pounds are personal achievements that likely required months or even years to reach. This level of consistent dedication and major achievement calls for milestone celebrations!

And what about the family and workplace milestones that involve an entire team of people working together? When it comes to team success, you’ll want to think of a meaningful way to celebrate their combined hard work that also makes individual team members feel valued. 

After all, while the group accomplished something together, each person played a unique role in making a positive impact. You’ll want to be sure to acknowledge these individual contributions in a meaningful way.

You can make milestone celebrations feel more meaningful by:

• Planning events that match the person’s personality or team’s culture
• Giving everyone a chance to share their part of the success
• Providing tangible rewards or benefits
• Documenting the achievement to create a more lasting memory

Wondering about that last bullet point? You can create more lasting memories of milestone celebrations by framing a special photo from the event, creating a small photo album, or commemorating the achievement with a medal, trophy, or other award-type gift. 

You can do these same things to celebrate team success, with bonus points for celebrating with a team outing. These celebrations give credit where credit is due while also strengthening bonds between team members and boosting employee engagement.

Including Those with Fewer Personal Achievements

The fact is that there are those who will never be the best of the best. They’ll never earn straight As, never win a championship, never be a top performer, and never achieve workplace milestones. 

If you want to be inclusive, you’ll need to find a way for those with fewer personal achievements to still receive peer recognition and celebration. This will help to keep “underachievers” feeling valued and motivated, plus avoid any appearance of favoritism (crucial for parents of very different children!).

Since they aren’t winning any “Top Performer” awards, you have to change the definition of a celebration-worthy “positive impact.” Here are a few creative ways to go about that:

Celebrate their “personal best” (the athlete model). Don’t compare them to the top performer; compare them to their own history.

Recognize “invisible” contributions. They might be the person who keeps the mood light or the one who explains complex things to new hires. Celebrate their role in your team’s or family’s ecosystem.

Reward the “stretch” (the micro-win). When an underachiever steps out of their comfort zone or takes the first step toward achieving a goal, celebrate the start!

Focus on reliability and consistency. While they may not be “the best,” they might be the “most stable.” It’s a big deal to have someone you can trust to always show up, even if they aren’t breaking records. Celebrate that “anchor” quality.

Celebrate “process improvements” over results. If they find a great way to do their work more efficiently (even if they use that extra time to coast), celebrate the efficiency. It reinforces the idea that they’re smart and capable.

Use private recognition to build trust. Public praise might feel fake to them if they know they aren’t the top performer. Private praise, however, feels like a genuine observation of their worth.

I put these ideas into practice in a management job I held ten years ago. I bought a little trophy and engraved “Kicking *ss and Taking Names” on the base plate. (Classy, I know!) I never defined what would cause team members to win the award in our bi-weekly team meetings outside of saying it was for “going above and beyond.”

That meant one person won it for having the top customer experience score that month, while another person won it for the most improvement in their sales, while another won it for single-handedly carrying team morale. 

Not defining success meant success could look different for everyone, and everyone had professional achievements worth celebrating! It also helped to create a workplace culture where team members genuinely appreciated and supported one another, and reported higher overall job satisfaction. That’s the ripple effect of recognizing and celebrating others’ success stories!

Creative and Memorable Celebration Ideas

Making someone feel special requires thoughtful planning. Luckily, from public recognition, to virtual celebrations, to unique ways of creating lasting memories, you’ve got a lot of options!

Public Recognition and Social Media Sharing

If they’re the social type, sharing someone’s personal achievements publicly offers a great way to make them feel valued while also inspiring others!

You can post about their success on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn with specific details about what they accomplished, including photos and tagging them. Consider not only celebrating the major achievement, but highlighting their journey and the hard work that led up to it.

If you want to make them feel extra supported, reach out to friends, family, or colleagues to ask them to share their congratulations in the comments. This creates a digital record they can feel proud to display on their social media page and look back on for years.

(When my first children’s book launched, I knew we needed as much publicity as possible, but felt weird celebrating myself on social media. I created a post, but cringed at the self-promotion. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated the friends and family members who shared my post and even created their own social media posts celebrating that achievement!)

For work anniversaries and workplace milestones, consider recognizing team members during team meetings or in company-wide emails. You can also display their accomplishment on a physical or digital recognition board where everyone can see it!

As a manager myself, I like to send emails to my own manager celebrating my employees’ achievements and cc’ing the employee on the email. My manager is always happy to reply all with his congrats and appreciation, and often cc’s his own boss on his reply. This always makes team members happy, to know their manager three levels up has visibility into their professional achievements!

Virtual Celebrations and Remote Acknowledgement

We’ve come a long way in this day and age, where distance no longer has to limit how we celebrate someone’s personal or professional achievements. You can organize a FaceTime or WhatsApp gathering where friends and family can join to toast their achievement.

If you’re a little more tech-savvy, you might consider creating a video montage by collecting short congratulatory messages from important people in their life. This offers a fun way to combine multiple remote voices into one meaningful keepsake.

You can also harness the power of technology to send them a digital gift card to their favorite restaurant or online store that arrives the instant a major achievement is reached. (Who doesn’t love instant recognition?!) The internet also makes it easy to arrange for a surprise delivery of flowers, cookies, or a care package to their doorstep.

Need to celebrate an entire team? Virtual celebrations work well for remote employees, too! 

Host an online party with games, virtual backgrounds themed around their achievement, or a casual happy hour. These options ensure all team members can participate regardless of their location.

Fun and Unique Approaches

As wonderful as traditional celebrations can be, they’re not the only way to create truly memorable moments!

You can plan a themed party based on their interests or the nature of their achievement. Or organize a friendly competition or game night where the achiever gets to choose the activities.

Give personalized gifts like custom keepsakes, engraved items, or photo books that document their journey. Or create a “celebration jar” filled with notes from different people explaining why they’re proud. Experience-based celebrations like concert tickets, a spa day, or an adventure activity also offer a great way to create lasting memories.

Consider charitable donations in their name to causes they care about. This fun way of celebrating adds meaning while honoring their values. 

You can also include elements of surprise like decorating their workspace, organizing a flash mob, or arranging for their favorite meal to be catered.

Rewarding Positive Behavior and Achievements

Want to make celebrating personal achievements a more regular occurrence? A reward system can help people feel valued and encourage them to keep doing great work.

Setting Up a Reward System

A reward system creates an excellent way to recognize when someone does something worth celebrating. You can set up simple rules that explain what kinds of actions earn rewards and what those rewards will be.

Start by deciding which behaviors or results you want to encourage. 

This might include meeting goals, sticking to healthy habits, or showing creative thinking. Write down these behaviors so everyone knows what counts as reward-worthy work.

Next, pick rewards that match different levels of achievement. 

Small wins might earn verbal praise or special privileges. Bigger successes could bring gift cards, small gifts, or full-blown celebrations. Make sure the reward not only fits the size of the achievement, but is also appealing to everyone involved.

Keep your system simple and easy to understand. If the rules are too complicated, people won’t stay motivated. Check in regularly to see if your reward system still works well or needs changes.

A reward system could be utilized within a family, friend group, workplace, or even as personal motivation. I personally use the Habitica app to earn “gold” for positive behavior and cash it out for personally-determined rewards, like a new book, sweet treat, or, for big achievements, a massage!

Gift Cards and Incentive Options

The trick to making personal and professional achievements a more regular occurrence is ensuring rewards remain relevant and motivational.

Gift cards offer a fantastic way to reward achievements because they allow people to choose what they want, even if/when their preferences shift over time. You can buy them for restaurants, stores, or online shops that match the person’s current interests, or for general stores like Amazon or Walmart that cater to any and every interest.

Other incentive options work well, too!

Offering tickets to events or concerts, lunch at a new restaurant, or fun products that have just hit the market is an excellent way to keep rewards fresh and exciting. For professional achievements, consider extra hours of paid time off, special parking spots, or the chance to work from home for a day.

Popular reward options include:

• Restaurant or coffee shop gift cards
• Online retailer vouchers
• Movie or entertainment tickets
• Wellness or spa services
• Professional development opportunities

Mix up your rewards to keep things interesting and then keep mixing them up. What excites one person might not matter to another, so offering a variety of choices is a great way to make everyone feel appreciated.

Building Lasting Traditions

Regular celebrations create a culture where personal achievements are expected to be recognized…and who wouldn’t want that?!

Consider starting simple traditions you can maintain over time. This might be monthly shout-outs, annual awards, or special lunches after major milestones.

Traditions don’t need to be expensive or complicated. Even small rituals can celebrate hard work in a meaningful way. Consider:

• Personal notes written on the same day achievements happen
• Photo walls displaying personal accomplishments
• Success stories regularly shared during family dinners or team meetings
• Special treats brought in to mark victories

These consistent practices are sure to build lasting memories and demonstrate in a tangible way that celebrations matter! 

When people know recognition is coming, they feel valued as part of something bigger than themselves. The positive impact then multiplies as others see the tradition and want to participate in both achieving and celebrating together.

So…now you know the best way to celebrate someone’s achievements! Whether you’re recognizing major milestones or a simple, positive impact, thoughtful recognition will go a long way in making others feel valued and motivated. 

What have you found to be the best way to celebrate? Be sure to share in the comments!

P.S. Ready to escape survival mode? Start living life on YOUR terms! The Take Charge Collection of 15 FREE resources will help you to simplify, organize, and take charge of your life! Get yours HERE.

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post How to Celebrate Someone’s Achievements in Fun Ways appeared first on Deb Preston.

Friend, I feel you! My husband likes to build and shoot guns, play the drums, and follow mixed martial arts. I like to write, collect and read antique books, and take long walks alone.

I had zero interest in guns or MMA (I tried really hard to like them!) and zero talent for playing the drums. Meanwhile, my husband didn’t enjoy reading or taking walks.

It left me wondering how to find common interests with your partner! Once you try each other’s hobbies out and just can’t connect over them…what’s next?!

Step 1: Take Time to Understand Each Other’s Interests

Finding common interests with your partner offers a great way to deepen your connection. But before you can do that, you have to first take the time to truly understand each other’s individual interests, since this will help you recognize areas of potential compatibility.

How can you accomplish this? Start with open communication!

Engage in conversations about what each of you enjoys doing, your values, and beliefs. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, since questions will demonstrate your genuine interest in understanding their preferences and core values.

It might turn out that you and your partner have night-and-day different interests, and that’s perfectly fine!

Embrace these differences and try to identify individual interests that could be merged into activities you can both enjoy. For example, if one of you loves painting and the other loves being outdoors, you could spend an afternoon painting landscapes together.

Creating a list of your interests can also help you both visualize areas of overlap.

Sit down together and write down your hobbies, favorite TV shows, sports teams, or causes you care about. This exercise can lead to finding common ground that you might not have realized you shared.

Step 2: Try to Establish Some Common Ground

Now that you’ve discussed your individual interests, how can you find common ground? The first and most obvious choice is to capitalize on shared interests, whether it’s a hobby, a sports team, or even a musician or comedian you both like.

Discuss and Connect Over Similar Interests

If you uncover some shared interests, nurture those connections by engaging in activities together.

For example, if you both love cooking, experiment with new recipes or take a cooking class to enhance your skills. Attending events related to your common interests, like concerts, sports games, or art exhibitions, can also provide opportunities for bonding and deepening your connection.

You can even bond over binge-watching TV shows you both enjoy or playing a favorite video game, app, or board game together. Whether you both love walking the dog, keeping up with celebrity gossip, or texting Nicolas Cage GIFs, no shared interest is too small to provide bonding opportunities.

Compromise on Different Interests

At a complete loss for shared interests? Finding common ground with your partner can also be achieved by compromising on different interests.

You’re two completely different human beings, so of course you’re going to have unique hobbies and passions. Instead of dismissing each other’s interests, try to find a middle ground where you can both enjoy an activity.

For example, if one of you enjoys walking and the other prefers spending time at the gym, maybe you can go for a walk at a fitness park where you can both walk and use the outdoor fitness equipment.

If you haven’t already, you should also consider trying new activities or learning about your partner’s passions. Sure, I went to the gun range a few times with my husband and just couldn’t get into it. But I have friends who joined their spouses at the very same range and were surprised to learn that they loved shooting!

Even if something doesn’t seem exciting to you at first, participating in it together can often lead to newfound enjoyment. Or at the very least, your willingness to partake in your spouse’s interests can deepen your bond with one another.

Taking turns in trying out each other’s interests and participating in new experiences together will not only help you find common ground, but can also strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.

Step 2.5: Ideas for a New Shared Activity

Struggling to spitball ideas for new potential shared interests? Here are five common areas of hobbies and activities that couples can enjoy together, plus a few ideas of each to get you started.

Active and Outdoor Pursuits

• Hiking
• Cycling
• Kayaking
• Rock climbing
• Tennis
• Pickleball
• Running
• Skiing
• Camping
• Surfing

Creative and Artistic Expression

• Painting
• Pottery
• Photography
• DIY Home Projects
• Ballroom Dancing
• Creative Writing
• Gardening
• Playing Musical Instruments
• Sculpting
• Scrapbooking

Culinary and Gastronomic Experiences

• Cooking classes
• Wine tasting
• Baking
• Mixology
• Food tours
• Home brewing
• Hosting dinner parties
• Coffee tasting
• Visiting farmers’ markets
• Canning and preserving

Intellectual and Skill-Based Learning

• Learning a new language
• Strategy board games
• Book clubs
• Chess
• Trivia nights
• Astronomy
• Coding or web development
• Genealogy research
• Investing and personal finance
• Attending lectures or workshops

Travel and Exploration

• Road tripping
• Backpacking
• Urban exploration
• Visiting national parks
• Geocaching
• Museum hopping
• Train travel
• Staycations
• Historical site tours
• International travel exploration

Step 3: Put Your New Knowledge into Action

Now that we’ve talked about how to find some common ground, it’s important to ask…what the heck does that look like in real life?

Planning Date Nights

Date nights offer a great start! By scheduling dedicated time for each other, you’re creating an opportunity to explore new activities and create shared experiences.

This is where learning by trial and error will kick in. After all, any potential similar interests can sound good in theory, but the real test will be in trying them out together.

Consider taking turns in planning date nights, allowing each partner to introduce hobbies or interests they find enjoyable. This could include trying out a new recipe and cooking together, attending a concert, or embarking on a weekend getaway to a nearby city (or your own city!).

Being open to new experiences and stepping out of your comfort zone during date nights could help you discover new interests you may not have considered before. But even if the activity itself is a bust, you’ve invested time into your relationship, which is sure to help strengthen your bond. Check that bust interest off the list and test the next potential shared interest next time.

Trying New Hobbies Together

Actively seeking and trying out new hobbies together can also enrich your relationship, plus create lasting memories. As you explore a wide variety of activities, you might find common ground and mutual interests that can bring you even closer as a couple.

Sharing a hobby offers a meaningful way to bond and spend quality time together. Plus, it’s always fun and exciting to learn something new with your partner.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Join a local club or group that aligns with both of your interests, such as a photography club or a book discussion group.
• Attend a dance or cooking class together to learn new skills and enjoy a fun evening.
• Travel to destinations that both of you are curious about and immerse yourselves in the local culture.
• Volunteer for a cause you both care about to create a greater sense of connection and shared purpose in your relationship.

Remember, the key to building a strong relationship through shared activities is openness, communication, and willingness to explore new hobbies and experiences together. By investing time and effort into discovering common interests now, you can create a lasting and fulfilling connection with your partner well into the future.

Finding Common Interests Reinforces Your Emotional Bond

Finding and nurturing common interests with your partner will play a key role in reinforcing the emotional bond between you. Engaging in shared activities allows both partners to experience joy and create lasting memories, ultimately strengthening your relationship.

One effective way to reinforce your emotional bond is by simply talking about your common interests with your partner, whether you’re discussing something you’re both currently engaged in or just reminiscing a past experience. This will help to build your friendship and strengthen your bond.

To further reinforce the emotional bond, consider joining communities or clubs that cater to your shared interests. This will not only provide you with a regular space to enjoy activities together, but also create a support system that can contribute to enriching your marriage or partnership.

By investing time and energy in developing shared interests and increasing your level of emotional intimacy, you’ll find that your bond deepens and that you’ll create a foundation of love, joy, and friendship that will help your relationship thrive for years to come.

Exploring Different Interests Offers a Form of Self-Expression

Finding common interests with your partner can be a great way to bond and enhance your relationship. A huge reason for this is that it offers a form of self-expression, allowing you both to share and engage with each other on a deeper level.

As you start to explore your individual interests, you’ll find that you each have unique hobbies and passions. Take the time to listen to each other’s ideas and learn about the activities that make you both feel excited and engaged.

Whether it’s attending a local workshop or class, or signing up for a fun recreational sports league, immersing yourselves in a new environment allows you both to discover and develop new interests. Remember that you don’t have to be an expert in an activity to enjoy it together – the important part is sharing the experience with your partner and having fun.

In some cases, therapy can also prove to be a valuable tool for couples looking to explore their interests together. A therapist can help facilitate conversations that encourage self-expression and foster a deeper understanding of one another’s desires and passions.

In short, exploring interests as a form of self-expression with your partner can lead to a stronger, more enjoyable relationship. Embrace the journey and enjoy the process of expressing yourselves and creating shared experiences that will bring you closer together.

What if Your Partner is an Unwilling Participant?

It can be frustrating and even a little lonely when you’re trying to build a bridge of connection and feel like your partner is keeping the gate closed. This is a common hurdle in long-term relationships, and usually, the resistance stems from something other than a lack of interest in you.

Here’s a step-by-step approach to navigating this situation:

1. Understand the “Why”

Before pushing for more activities, try to understand why they’re saying no. People resist new hobbies for a variety of reasons:

• Burnout: They might be mentally or physically exhausted from work and just want to “veg out.”
• Fear of Failure: They might be afraid of looking silly or being bad at something you’re already good at.
• The “Pressure” Factor: If they feel like you’re “assigning” them tasks or trying to change them, they may reflexively say no to maintain autonomy.
• Preference for Routine: Some people find comfort in the familiar and view new things as stressful rather than exciting. (It’s me! I’m raising my hand!)

2. Change the Way You Invite Them

Instead of suggesting a specific activity, focus on the feeling or the goal.

• Instead of: “Let’s go for a hike on Saturday.”
• Try: “I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately and I really miss spending quality time with you. Would you be open to doing something together this weekend? I was thinking about a hike, but I’m open to any ideas you might have!”
• The “Low-Stakes” Invite: Sometimes a big commitment (like a 3-hour class) is intimidating. Start by suggesting something that takes 15–20 minutes.

3. Find “Neutral Ground”

If they aren’t interested in your hobbies, and you aren’t interested in theirs, stop trying to drag them into your world. Instead, look for something neither of you has done before. This puts you both on a level playing field.

4. Try “Parallel Play”

If they’re truly resistant to doing the same thing, try doing different things in the same space. For example, you can read your book while they play a video game, but do it on the same couch with your feet touching. This can help build “proximity intimacy,” which often lowers the barrier to eventually doing an activity together.

5. Try a “Trade-Off”

“I know you love watching [Show], and I’d love to watch an episode with you. Would you be willing to try [Activity] with me for 30 minutes afterward?” Frame it as an investment in the relationship rather than a chore.

6. Ask Them to Lead

If they’re rejecting all of your ideas, put the ball in their court…but be specific:

“I really want us to have an ‘us’ thing. Since my suggestions haven’t really appealed to you, could you pick one thing for us to try together this month? I promise to go into it with a great attitude, no matter what it is.”

7. Evaluate the “Connection Gap”

If your partner’s unwilling to try anything new and is also unwilling to suggest alternatives, the issue might not be about hobbies; it might be about a general lack of effort or emotional withdrawal.

Ask yourself:

• Are they going through a hard time (depression, stress)?
• Are we struggling with communication in other areas?

When to Let It Go

It’s healthy for partners to have separate interests. If you have a partner who is loving, supportive, and present in other ways, it might be okay to accept that your hobbies will remain separate.

You can find “common interest” in your shared values, your home, or your future goals, while continuing to invest time in individual interests. The goal isn’t necessarily to become the same person, but to ensure that even if your activities are different, your direction is the same.

…and Now You Know How to Find Common Interests with Your Partner!

My husband and I eventually learned that our personal interests just weren’t our partner’s cup of tea. So instead, we’ve bonded over TV series, game apps, home improvement projects, and even tennis!

Finding common interests with your partner can significantly strengthen your relationship.

Remember to always be open to new experiences and share your passions with each other. By attending events, trying new hobbies, and traveling together, you and your partner can discover activities and interests that you both enjoy together.

Include your partner in your personal interests and hobbies, even if you initially enjoy doing them separately. This can create opportunities for bonding and discovering shared interests.

While it’s great to have shared interests in a relationship, it’s also important to maintain a sense of individuality. You both should continue to explore your own hobbies and interests, as it enriches your own experiences and helps maintain a healthy balance in your relationship.

In the end, finding common interests with your partner will not only make your relationship stronger but also create lasting memories and experiences that you both can cherish. Enjoy the journey of discovering new interests and strengthening your bond with each other.

Frequently Asked Questions

What activities can couples do together?

There are a multitude of activities couples can enjoy together, such as cooking, exercising, traveling, and trying out new hobbies. Engaging in these activities together helps create memorable experiences and strengthens the relationship.

Make sure to communicate openly and find activities you both enjoy.

How can we discover new hobbies as a couple?

Discovering new hobbies as a couple can be both fun and rewarding.

Start by discussing your individual interests and look for commonalities. Then, explore those interests and try new activities together.

Attend classes or workshops, join local clubs, or attend events related to your interests.

What are some ways to identify shared passions?

To identify shared passions, have open and honest conversations with your partner about your likes, dislikes, and what brings you joy.

Keep an open mind and be willing to try new things. You may find that your individual interests overlap in unexpected ways, leading to shared passions.

Can we take a quiz to find common interests?

Yes, taking quizzes can be a fun and light-hearted way to discover common interests with your partner. There are several online quizzes available that can help you and your partner learn more about one another’s preferences and interests.

Keep in mind, however, that quizzes are just a starting point and deeper conversations are necessary for understanding your partner’s desires and passions.

How do couples build stronger bonds through shared activities?

Couples can build stronger bonds through shared activities by spending quality time together, learning new skills, and supporting one another in their individual growth. Shared activities also help strengthen communication, trust, and understanding between partners, all of which contribute to a deeper connection.

What shared experiences can bring us closer together?

Shared experiences that can bring couples closer together include facing challenges, trying new activities, learning from one another, and creating lasting memories. Some examples include traveling to new places, volunteering for a cause you both believe in, or participating in a physical activity like hiking or dancing.

The key is to find activities that both partners enjoy and that contribute to personal and relational growth.

P.S. Has your connection with your partner started to fade or disappear altogether? Do you want to reconnect again in a meaningful way? Try our 5-day email challenge! Sign up HERE to receive an email with fresh insight and challenges every morning!

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post How to Find Common Interests with Your Partner + 50 Ideas appeared first on Deb Preston.

I don’t take things friends say or do personally, don’t assume the worst of them, and hold pretty low expectations of others in general. (They should put themselves and their families first, not me.) Yet even then, once every year or so, a friend is mad at me.

It’s inevitable. We all know that in our heads.

But it still stings, doesn’t it? It hurts to feel that separation, to experience their purposeful exclusion of you from their life.

So…what can you do when your friend is mad at you? What should you do?

Here’s what I’ve found is the best course of action to (1) make me feel better and (2) ensure our friendship has the best chance for reconciliation:

First step: Consider your words and actions and determine if they warrant an apology.

None of us are perfect. Think through your last few interactions with your friend to determine what exactly might have angered them. Whether intentional or unintentional on your part, the outcome is usually the same.

If you can figure out what upset them, decide if it calls for a sincere apology…or at least an explanation. And if it does…apologize! Explain!

Sure, you could return silence for silence, anger for anger, but has that worked for you in the past? It usually just ensures that we end up hateful and lonely.

If you’re not sure what’s up with them, ask!

Rather than wondering and imagining what might be up…just ask them.

This is easier said than done, I’ll admit. Who wants to kick off an uncomfortable conversation, even with a close friend, am I right?

But it doesn’t have to be complex. “Hey, you’ve seemed kind of distant lately. Did I say or do something to upset you?”

They’ll either (a) tell you exactly what you did in great detail, (b) deny it, or (c) let you in on something much bigger.

I once thought a good friend was mad at me but when I asked her, learned she had just lost her job and was in a weird headspace…for obvious reasons! No matter what they answer, you’ll have done your part to ask and follow up with them.

Give them time and space to cool down.

Most people can’t turn on a dime when it comes to their emotional responses and your friend is likely no different. They’ll need time to work through their emotions in their own head before they’re ready to talk and reconcile with someone else.

By pushing them for an answer sooner than they’re ready to talk, you’ll likely just exacerbate the issue. So resist the urge to press in for answers if they’re not willing to give them just yet.

Don’t dwell on negative thoughts.

I was once super upset with a good friend for taking advantage of me. And every morning as I dried my hair, I’d think about how messed up the entire situation was.

I started fighting with her in my head, saying exactly what I thought, though she wasn’t even aware the conversation was happening there in my bathroom. And unsurprisingly, my feelings of anger toward her grew more and more every morning.

You become what you dwell on. It’s a basic mental health fact. So choose to not dwell on speculations or bitterness.

Take the high road.

Again, you could return silence for silence. You could avoid them, roll your eyes at them, or gossip about them to your other friends.

But if you sincerely wish to reconcile your friendship, it’s always a good idea to avoid making messes you’ll have to clean up later.

By remaining available to talk, treating them respectfully, and resisting the urge to crank up the drama, you’ll be taking the high road. And you’ll avoid giving them any ammo that could stoke the fire.

Bonus: Saying no to petty drama will also help you to avoid piling additional stress and negative emotions on yourself. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Reflect on your relationship.

Now I’m the last person to tell you to “cancel” everyone who looks at you sideways. I believe cancel culture only leaves us feeling critical, angry, and lonely. But sometimes you have to ask if a relationship is enhancing your life or diminishing its quality.

Do you spend the majority of your friendship fighting with this “best friend”? Are they always assuming the worst of you and leaving you to walk on eggshells?

Are they bringing more love than pain to your life? How about more love than stress? Do they check any of the boxes of a toxic friendship?

Friendships are two-way streets. And if you’re the only one putting in the work and reconciling the relationship when things go awry, it might be time to get a new best friend.

Let it go.

If your friend isn’t interested in reconciliation, it may be time to let it go.

Again, friendship is a two-way street and it’s going to take more than one of you to patch things up between you. So be willing to step away, at least for a while.

Maybe you and your friend will reconnect again in the near (or far) future. Or maybe this is where you part ways.

Either way, you can only control your own actions, not theirs. If they’re not willing to talk and reconnect, save yourself the mental turmoil and pause the friendship.

(If you find you have to part ways, be sure to check out this post about how to heal when a friendship ends.)

Bonus tip: Don’t be afraid of getting professional help.

Sometimes, holding a difficult conversation with an angry friend, or even avoiding a difficult conversation with them, tells us more about ourselves than it does about them. If you find it difficult to consider life from a different point of view, struggle to manage your emotional responses, or find strong feelings of anger are threatening your overall mental health, sometimes the best course of action is to seek out professional help.

A mental health professional can offer a valuable third-party point of view, explore the root cause behind your own feelings and emotional reactions, and help you find a more productive and positive way to navigate both this difficult time and the next time! I’ve personally grown by leaps and bounds with the help of mental health professionals and would recommend counseling to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Don’t panic when your friend is mad at you! This is a normal part of every friendship and should be expected.

By choosing your words and thoughts wisely, taking the high road, and allowing time to reflect and heal, you can find peace even if/when your friend chooses not to. You can’t control their actions, but you can choose yours.

And your actions, friend? They’re powerful. You’ve got this.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I start a calm conversation when emotions are high?

Wait for a moment when both of you can talk without distractions. Send a simple text like “Can we talk when you’re ready?” to show you respect their feelings.

When you do talk, start by asking them to share their perspective. Let them speak without interrupting, even if you disagree with what they’re saying. This shows you care about understanding their point of view.

Keep your voice calm and your body language open. Avoid crossing your arms while they talk and make it clear they have your undivided attention.

What should I say to apologize without making things worse?

A sincere apology acknowledges what you did wrong without making excuses. Say something like “I’m sorry I hurt you” instead of “I’m sorry you felt that way.”

Be specific about what you’re apologizing for. This shows you actually understand why they’re upset. For example, “I’m sorry I canceled our plans last minute without giving you a good reason.”

Don’t try to explain away your actions or shift blame to someone else. Just own what you did and ask what you can do to make things right.

What if my friend won’t talk to me or is ignoring my messages?

Send one message letting them know you’re ready to talk when they are. Then step back and give them room to process their feelings.

Avoid sending multiple texts or showing up at their place unannounced. This can make them feel pressured and push them further away. They need time to cool off and think about the situation.

If they continue ignoring you after you’ve given them space, you might need to accept that they’re not ready to work things out yet.

How long should I give them space before reaching out again?

A few days is usually enough time for someone to calm down and think clearly. If the situation was serious, you might need to wait a week or more.

Pay attention to how upset they were when the conflict happened. A small disagreement might only need a day or two, while a bigger issue will take more time.

If a week has passed with no response, you can send one more message saying you care about the friendship and you’re there when they’re ready. After that, the ball is in their court.

P.S. Ready to escape survival mode? Start living life on your terms! The Take Charge Collection of 15 free resources will help you to simplify, organize, and take charge of your life! Get yours HERE.

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post My Friend is Mad at Me | How to Find Peace & Reconcile appeared first on Deb Preston.

So let’s broaden our horizons, shall we? What are the best East Coast vacation ideas for families? I’m so glad you asked!

Top Family-Friendly East Coast Destinations

The East Coast offers loads of fun destinations that cater to families with children of all ages, from family-friendly beaches, to fun-filled theme parks, to educational historic sites. These locations offer activities that will keep everyone entertained while creating memories your whole family will cherish.

New York City

New York City delivers endless entertainment for families with kids of every age.

The American Museum of Natural History is sure to captivate young children with dinosaur exhibits while older kids can enjoy the planetarium shows. Central Park offers playgrounds, a zoo, and boat rentals where you can spend an entire afternoon.

Times Square obviously always dazzles with its bright lights and street performers. (My youngest brother was especially impressed by someone playing the saxophone…while dressed like Spiderman.) You can catch a family-friendly Broadway show like The Lion King or explore interactive exhibits at the Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum.

The Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island provide educational experiences that bring history lessons to life. Younger children love riding the Staten Island Ferry for (free!) skyline views, while older kids can appreciate visiting the 9/11 Memorial and exploring diverse neighborhoods like Chinatown. My middle brother got a kick out of seeing some of the local sights featured in his favorite movies.

Orlando

But the East Coast isn’t just about big cities! Orlando stands out as the theme park capital with options for every family member.

Walt Disney World features four parks, so toddlers can meet characters at Magic Kingdom while teens ride thrill rides at Hollywood Studios. Universal Orlando Resort brings movies to life with attractions suitable for kids over 42 inches tall. You can also cool off at water parks or explore quieter attractions like LEGOLAND, which targets kids ages 2-12.

When I was a kid, our family of five would visit Orlando every other year. We would rent a condo on the beach, then balance our trip between beaches and parks. It helped us to recover from going a little too gangbusters at the parks, plus offered some free entertainment in between to help balance costs.

Washington DC

I first visited Washington DC when I was twelve and while I wasn’t initially convinced of the destination, I ended up having a fantastic time and creating lots of fun memories.

Washington DC provides free admission to most attractions, making it budget-friendly for families. The National Mall connects iconic monuments you’ve seen in photos, and the Smithsonian museums offer something for every interest.

The National Air and Space Museum will amaze kids who love planes and rockets, while the Natural History Museum features the Hope Diamond and an insect zoo sure to fascinate younger children. As a teenager, I enjoyed those museums, but preferred the National Museum of American History and the Holocaust Memorial Museum, since they felt more personally relevant. You can also tour the Capitol Building and White House with advance reservations.

Want to cover more ground and build in a little extra fun? Consider renting bikes, since the Mall spans two miles! You might also want to start and end your visit a little later than the main crowds, since the monuments look absolutely stunning at night when they’re lit up.

Niagara Falls

Niagara Falls promises excitement for families seeking natural wonders and outdoor adventures. The Maid of the Mist boat tour takes you close to the falls where everyone gets soaked in the mist, which most kids find exciting. Cave of the Winds will give you an even closer experience walking on platforms near Bridal Veil Falls.

The Niagara Falls State Park offers hiking trails and picnic areas perfect for families with young children. Older kids will enjoy the Aquarium of Niagara and the observation tower views.

You can also explore both the American and Canadian sides of the falls (for those kids who want to boast to their friends that they “left the country”). The Journey Behind the Falls on the Canadian side lets you walk through tunnels behind the cascading water. Evening illuminations there transform the falls into a colorful light show sure to captivate all ages.

Charming Small Towns and Beach Getaways

I personally love the small beach town vibes the East Coast has to offer. These destinations combine relaxed atmospheres with family activities, from the Jersey Shore’s boardwalks to Rhode Island’s historic seaside villages.

Jersey Shore

Despite what Snooki might have you believing, the Jersey Shore offers much more than cheetah print and fist-pumping EDM. It stretches along New Jersey’s coastline with multiple family-friendly beach towns to choose from.

Point Pleasant Beach features a classic boardwalk where your kids can ride amusement park rides and play arcade games. The beach itself has calm waves perfect for younger swimmers.

Spring Lake offers a quieter alternative with a beautiful non-commercial boardwalk and pristine beaches. Your family can rent bikes and ride along the scenic paths. The town has plenty of ice cream shops (our favorite!) and casual restaurants within walking distance of the beach.

Belmar attracts families who want both beach time and water sports. Your teens can try surfing lessons while younger children build sandcastles. The town also hosts free concerts and outdoor movies during summer evenings.

Ocean City

Ocean City, Maryland bills itself as a family resort and totally lives up to that promise! This town prohibits public consumption of alcohol, which creates a family-oriented environment, and the 2.5-mile boardwalk has rides, games, and mini golf courses to keep children (and, let’s face it, adults) entertained for hours.

The beach has lifeguards stationed every few blocks during summer months. You can also rent bikes, kayaks, or paddleboards from local shops.

Your kids will love Trimper’s Rides, an amusement park that has operated since 1893, while your older kids will enjoy the novelty of sitting at tables and rafts placed directly in the shallow water of the bay at my favorite restaurant there, Seacrets. Plus, don’t miss getting fresh saltwater taffy on the boardwalk!

Cape Cod

Cape Cod boasts charming beach towns that make you feel like you’re stepping back in time. Chatham offers beautiful beaches with gentle waves and tide pools where your children can spot crabs and small fish.

Provincetown sits at the Cape’s tip and provides whale watching tours sure to thrill kids and adults alike. The town has art galleries and unique shops your family can explore on rainy days.

Dennis Port features warm water beaches perfect for young swimmers.

With Cape Cod as your home base, you can take a day trip to nearby Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard via ferry. Many towns here offer family-friendly attractions like clam shacks, miniature golf, and nature trails through protected lands.

Rhode Island

Rhode Island is small but mighty, packing a lot of beach towns into its small coastline.

Narragansett has wide sandy beaches and the historic Towers building on the waterfront. Your family can walk to restaurants and surf shops from the beach.

Watch Hill offers a slower pace with beautiful beaches and the Flying Horse Carousel, America’s oldest operating carousel. Block Island requires a ferry ride but rewards you with uncrowded beaches and bike paths perfect for families.

Newport combines beaches with historical attractions like famous mansions. Your older kids might enjoy touring the Gilded Age homes while younger ones prefer Easton’s Beach with its aquarium and playground. This town has numerous ice cream parlors (Are you sensing an East Coast theme yet?) and seafood restaurants walking distance from the shore.

Historic Landmarks and Colonial Sites

I know I’m a nerd, but one of my favorite things about the East Coast is its history!

The East Coast holds some of America’s most important historical places where your family can walk through colonial streets, touch centuries-old buildings, and learn about the nation’s founding. These sites bring history to life with activities that work for toddlers through teens.

Colonial Williamsburg

Colonial Williamsburg invites your family to step into the 1700s across 301 acres of restored buildings and working trades. This was one of my all-time favorite East Coast stops as a kid! Kids can watch blacksmiths hammer hot iron, bakers pull bread from brick ovens, and wigmakers craft powdered wigs just like colonial times.

Your younger children will love the hands-on activities at the Art Museums, where they can try their hand at colonial crafts. Teens often enjoy the evening ghost tours and dramatic reenactments of Revolutionary debates. The site offers special programs where kids can join the militia, learn colonial games, or help in the kitchen of a historic home.

You can easily spend two to three days here without seeing everything! The characters stay in role and answer questions about daily life in colonial Virginia. Your family can even eat at historic taverns that serve period recipes, making lunch part of the experience.

Boston

Boston’s Freedom Trail connects 16 historical sites along a 2.5-mile red-brick path through the city. Your family can walk at your own pace or join guided tours that make the history come alive with stories about the American Revolution.

The trail includes Paul Revere’s House, the Old North Church, and the site of the Boston Massacre. Younger kids might get tired, so you can break the walk into sections and use the subway between stops. Many families start at Boston Common, where kids can play at the Frog Pond before beginning their historical journey.

Family-Friendly Stops on the Freedom Trail:

• Boston Common: Playgrounds and open space for running
• Granary Burying Ground: Famous graves in just 10 minutes
• Faneuil Hall: Food court and street performers
• USS Constitution: Climb aboard a real naval ship

Revolutionary Sites in Philadelphia

Full disclosure: I might be biased after living there, but I think Philadelphia is an American history-lover’s dream. It offers your family a chance to see where America began at Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell. Both sites are free, but you need timed tickets for Independence Hall during busy months.

Don’t want to wait in line to see the Liberty Bell up close? Locals know it’s positioned right in front of a floor-to-ceiling window, so you can view it easily from the outside of the building, no lines required.

The Museum of the American Revolution near these landmarks has interactive exhibits where kids can load a cannon, explore a privateer ship, and see George Washington’s actual tent. Your younger children will enjoy the hands-on discovery center on the lower level.

My brother’s favorite part of the entire city was visiting the same sites Benjamin Gates did in the movie National Treasure and running gasping up the Rocky steps. Teen boys. What can you do?

A day trip to Valley Forge National Historical Park sits just 30 minutes outside the city. Your family can bike or drive through the grounds where Washington’s army camped during the brutal winter of 1777-1778. Kids will love exploring the replica log cabins and running across the open fields.

Islands and Coastal Escapes

The East Coast’s barrier islands offer calm waters and gentle beaches that work well for young children, while older kids can enjoy water sports and nature exploration. These destinations put you close to family activities without the crowds of major resort towns.

Tybee Island

Tybee Island sits just 20 minutes from Savannah, making it a perfect place for families who want beach time with easy access to historic sites. This small barrier island stretches only three miles long, so you won’t waste your vacation time stuck in traffic or searching for parking.

The wide, flat beaches stay shallow for quite a distance into the water. This makes Tybee ideal for toddlers and younger children who are still learning to swim. You can set up your beach chairs and watch the whole family play without stressing.

Popular family activities include:

• Climbing the Tybee Island Lighthouse (178 steps to ocean views)
• Exploring tide pools at the north end during low tide
• Renting bikes to ride around the island
• Visiting the Marine Science Center to see sea turtles

The island has several playgrounds right near the beach. Your older kids can paddleboard or kayak while younger ones build sandcastles. Downtown Tybee offers casual restaurants where sandy feet and bathing suits are welcome.

Florida Keys

The Florida Keys chain stretches 120 miles into turquoise waters, connected by the scenic Overseas Highway. Key Largo, Islamorada, and Marathon offer the best options for families, with calmer waters than Key West.

Snorkeling ranks as the top activity here. Even kids as young as five can snorkel in the shallow waters at John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park. You’ll see colorful fish, sea turtles, and coral formations right from the beach.

Family-friendly experiences:

• Glass-bottom boat tours (perfect for non-swimmers)
• Swimming with dolphins at marine centers
• Kayaking through mangrove tunnels
• Fishing from bridges or charter boats

The Theater of the Sea in Islamorada lets your kids interact with marine animals through supervised programs. Many resorts offer kids’ clubs and pool areas designed for families.

Plan a short drive to different keys each day. Each island has its own personality and activities. Pack water shoes since many beaches are rocky, and be sure to bring reef-safe sunscreen to protect the marine environment.

Amelia Island

Amelia Island combines 13 miles of pristine beaches with historic charm in Fernandina Beach. This barrier island in Northeast Florida offers both relaxation and adventure without the commercial feel of bigger beach towns.

The beaches here are special because you can ride bikes or horses right on the sand. Several stables offer guided horseback rides along the shore during low tide. Your whole family can experience this unique activity together, with rides available for all skill levels.

Fort Clinch State Park sits at the island’s northern tip. Kids love exploring the Civil War-era fort, especially during living history demonstrations on weekends. The park also has fishing piers, hiking trails, and excellent bird watching spots.

What makes Amelia Island family-friendly:

• Calm waters protected by the island’s shape
• Tide pools filled with crabs and small fish
• Mini golf and arcade options for rainy days
• Family bike trails throughout the island

Downtown Fernandina Beach offers boutique shopping and restaurants within walking distance of the marina. You can book a dolphin-watching cruise or sunset sail that welcomes children of all ages.

North and South Carolina

And no post on East Coast vacation ideas for families would be complete without discussing the Carolinas! These states offer families a perfect mix of beach fun and outdoor exploration. From South Carolina’s sandy shores with water sports and bike paths, to North Carolina’s barrier islands with wild horses and historic lighthouses, you’ll find activities that keep every family member happy.

Myrtle Beach

Myrtle Beach in South Carolina gives your family 60 miles of sandy coastline to explore. The wide beaches work well for toddlers building sandcastles and teens trying boogie boarding or paddleboarding.

Your kids can enjoy the SkyWheel, a 187-foot observation wheel with ocean views. The Myrtle Beach Boardwalk stretches 1.2 miles and includes arcade games, snack stands, and street performers sure to keep younger children entertained.

Popular Water Activities:

• Banana boat rides
• Jet ski rentals
• Parasailing
• Kayaking in calm inlet waters

The area has mini golf courses designed with pirate themes and tropical settings. Many courses feature waterfalls and caves that make the game more exciting for kids aged 5 and up. You can also visit Ripley’s Aquarium to see sharks, stingrays, and colorful fish in walk-through tunnels.

Hilton Head Island

Hilton Head Island in South Carolina offers 12 miles of beaches perfect for families who want a calmer vacation pace. The shallow waters near shore stay gentle, making them safe for younger swimmers.

Your family can explore over 60 miles of bike trails that wind through the island. These paved paths connect beaches, nature preserves, and shopping areas. Bike rentals come in all sizes, including trailers for toddlers and training wheels for beginners.

The island has 18 golf courses where older kids and parents can play together. Many courses offer junior programs and family-friendly tee times. You’ll also find tennis courts, fishing charters, and horseback riding on the beach during certain times of year.

Kiawah Island

Kiawah Island sits 25 miles south of Charleston as a barrier island focused on nature and outdoor activities. The 10-mile beach stays consistently less crowded than other South Carolina destinations.

You can rent bikes to ride the 30 miles of trails through maritime forests and along the ocean, where your kids might spot deer, sea turtles, or dolphins during your rides. The island’s Nature Program offers guided walks where families learn about local wildlife and plants.

Family Activities Available:

• Crabbing from docks
• Kayaking through marshes
• Stand-up paddleboarding
• Nature center visits

The calm waters between Kiawah and nearby islands create perfect spots for kayaking with children. Several outfitters provide tandem kayaks and give basic instruction before trips.

Outer Banks

The Outer Banks barrier islands stretch along the North Carolina coast for 200 miles. There, your family can visit five historic lighthouses, including the famous black-and-white striped Cape Hatteras Lighthouse.

Wild horses roam freely on Shackleford Banks and Corolla Beach. You can take guided tours to see these horses while learning about their history. The tours work well for all ages and usually last about two hours.

Fort Raleigh National Historic Site tours where English colonists first settled in the 1580s. Kids will enjoy the interactive exhibits and outdoor areas to explore. Jockey’s Ridge State Park boasts the tallest sand dunes on the East Coast, reaching 90 feet high. Your children can run up and down the dunes or try hang gliding lessons designed for beginners.

The beaches offer excellent conditions for water sports like surfing, kiteboarding, and windsurfing. Several shops provide lessons specifically for kids and families. You’ll also find calmer sound-side beaches perfect for young children learning to swim.

Pheeeeew, we made it! Are you exhausted after that rundown? Or excited to start planning your next trip?! I hope you’re feeling the excitement!

Those, in my humble opinion, are the best East Coast vacation ideas for families. Did I miss any? Be sure to share your favorites in the comments below!

Safe travels, friends!

P.S. Need some quick and easy meals to cook in your vacation condo? Download our free ebook of 40 stupid easy recipes that will save you MAJOR time and effort, while keeping your family happy! Get yours HERE.

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post 18 East Coast Vacation Ideas for Families, From Experience appeared first on Deb Preston.

I will always remember the moment a friend tried to peg her divorce on me. She had been tearing down her husband for years, picking on him, degrading him in front of others.

One afternoon, in the middle of a particularly ugly bullying session, I spoke up. I kindly asked her to stop “joking,” that it was making me uncomfortable.

He spoke up to agree – the first time I’d heard him speak up in the ten years I’d known him. It started a huge fight between them.

Later that night, she called me to say, “We might get a divorce now. Thanks a lot for that.” She informed me that I was “dead to her” and was true to her word, making sure we had absolutely no contact for years.

On one hand, the experience was a turning point for me to realize that just because someone blames me for something doesn’t mean it’s actually my fault. But at the same time, I felt deeply hurt to be cut off from a person who I’d known for years.

I mean, it’s hard enough to forgive people who are remorseful and ask for forgiveness through a sincere apology. But people who aren’t even sorry?

And worse yet, those who blame you for their actions?! That’s a whole new level.

Luckily, it’s absolutely possible to forgive someone who isn’t sorry. The best news of all is that they don’t even have to be a part of the forgiving/healing process!

So…are you wondering exactly how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry? Let’s dive right in!

Understand what forgiveness is…and what it isn’t.

The first step to finding true peace of mind is understanding what forgiveness actually is.

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the other person’s actions. It also doesn’t require accountability from or reconciliation with the offending party.

Forgiveness is a very personal act in which you choose to let go of an offense in order to move forward. When you can view it through this lens, it feels much more reasonable and manageable.

Forgive for your own sake, not for theirs.

It’s difficult to forgive when you think of it as awarding a pardon to an undeserving recipient.

So take them out of the picture! Focus on forgiveness as something you’re doing for yourself, so that someone else’s poor behavior (and resulting negative feelings) doesn’t unfairly impact you for longer than necessary.

Own your part.

On the other hand, swallow your pride enough to admit if you played a part in the situation.

I was once upset with a friend for constantly canceling our plans to spend time with her boyfriend. Looking back, though, I realize my expectations were excessive and unfair.

Life is all about recognizing and confronting our own shortcomings and learning to do better.

Stop avoiding them.

Tension only grows, and negative emotions deepen, when you avoid one another.

Say hello when you cross paths. It doesn’t have to be overly friendly or conversational, but it shouldn’t make those around you uncomfortable.

Take responsibility for your own emotions and attitude.

No matter what the other person did, the power now lies with you as the hurt person to determine how this will affect you.

The anger, the bitterness, the feelings of resentment…you’re feeling those negative feelings because you’re choosing to sit with them. The good news is that when you take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions, you’re also taking the power out of their hands and into yours to determine how your story ends.

Stop looking for reasons to feel upset.

Similarly, you have to choose to stop looking for reasons to relive the situation and revisit the pain and/or anger. And while you’re at it, stop looking for future offenses.

People aren’t perfect. I guarantee that every single person you know will say or do something that will upset you at some point, in lots of different ways, usually unintentionally.

When you go into a social situation with that mindset, you’ll find fewer possibilities for someone to ruin your day. (Remember, this is for your sake and your mental health, not theirs.)

Focus on the present.

You can’t change what happened between the two of you. What’s done is done. So let go of the past and focus on the present – where you do have control.

I’m a firm believer that the best mental health is enjoyed by focusing on the present moment, rather than ruminating over the past or stressing over the future. Taking small steps toward more mindfully living as your authentic self will not only help you to let go of resentment, but also help you enjoy more peace of mind and fulfillment in your day-to-day life.

Learn from the situation.

An ex-boyfriend taught me I shouldn’t ignore warning signs in a relationship. An ex-friend taught me I shouldn’t assume another parent’s preferences for their child, no matter how long I’ve known them. And a coworker taught me not to count my chickens before they hatch.

Learning from hurtful events helps us to avoid a similar situation in the future. Plus, it turns what is otherwise an unpleasant experience into a self-beneficial moment of growth.

Forgive yourself.

I’ve personally found that the most unforgiving people are those who can’t forgive themselves…or are unreasonably hard on themselves.

If you’re in this boat, imagine your child (or closest friend or family member) confessing to you that they couldn’t forgive themselves in a similar situation. What would you say to them?

You would probably react with kindness, grace, and encouragement. And you’d sure as heck drown them in love!

Now have a chat with yourself, applying the same grace and love.

If you’re having trouble forgiving yourself, or loving yourself at all, I encourage you to seek the help of a professional counselor. After all, you deserve love and grace too!

Practice empathy to develop a forgiving heart.

Try to put yourself in others’ shoes not just in this particular situation, but on a regular basis. When you can more easily relate to those around you, their words or actions will be less likely to be trigger negative feelings in you.

And while you’re at it, assume the best of others!

After all, did that person cut you off in traffic simply because they’re a jerk? Or because they’re rushing to the hospital to see a family member? It’s likely their reason falls somewhere in the middle.

Reminding yourself of this truth, and putting yourself in others’ shoes before reacting, will do wonders for your mind, heart, mental health, and entire outlook on life.

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Keep in mind that this is a process…and one you won’t master overnight. So don’t beat yourself up over those moments you fall back into old patterns.

Instead, try replaying the situation to determine exactly what triggered you, then make a plan for overcoming it the next time.

My friend and I are on friendly terms again, and have even hung out a few times since that fateful night.

She never offered a sincere apology and has never even acknowledged the situation. But I realize now that that’s a reflection of her own mental health and well-being, not mine. And honestly? It makes me a little sad for her.

I don’t harbor any negative feelings toward her, but I don’t trust her like I used to or consider her the safe space that I do other friends and family. I’m careful about what I share with her, and mindful to take any new accusations with a grain of salt.

Thanks to the power of forgiveness, I’m enjoying peace of mind, healthier boundaries, and fewer negative feelings within my relationships. I’ve learned to shift my focus to the things I can control in my own life, rather than the things I can’t control in others’ lives. And that, my friend, is a win-win-win in my book.

So there you have it – how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry! It’s not an easy task, but it’s far from impossible.

Don’t do it for the sake of the person who hurt you. Do it for yourself. Because friend, you deserve peace of mind!

FAQ

Can you forgive someone who shows no remorse?

It’s difficult to forgive someone when they don’t show regret or guilt for wrongs committed. Remember, though, that showing no remorse for hurting others is a reflection on the person hurting others, rather than on the hurt person.

Reminding yourself of this can often help you to let go of resentment and other negative feelings. It’s not you, it’s them.

How can you forgive someone who hurt you emotionally?

Emotional injuries from hurtful events tend to hurt us more deeply and stay with us longer. While you can learn to forgive someone who isn’t sorry by following the steps above, you might also find professional counseling beneficial to your healing process and overall mental health.

How do you deal with someone who isn’t sorry?

When someone won’t apologize for hurting you, it may be challenging to continue day-to-day interactions with them. I’ve found that continuing on as normally as possible is the best remedy.

While I’m not overly chatty, I am cordial and kind. By focusing on your own part (forgiving and learning) and leading by example, you’re communicating to the other person that you won’t be engaging in petty behavior.

What does the Bible say about forgiving someone who isn’t sorry?

Ephesians 4:32 (MSG) states, “Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.” And in 1 Peter 3:8-9, Christians are encouraged not to return evil for evil.

As if that weren’t convincing enough, Hebrews 12:14-15 warns us that holding onto bitterness and feelings of resentment harms us. The Bible encourages us to forgive others not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s best for our own well-being.

What does it mean when someone never apologizes? This is the hardest thing!

Often, when someone never apologizes, it is because they are a narcissist. This is not always the case, but is relatively common.

In fact, dealing with a narcissist and how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry require a very similar process. Be sure to check out How to Deal With a Narcissist | 7 Effective Tricks They’ll Wish You Didn’t Know!

Can you forgive someone without talking to them?

You can absolutely forgive someone without talking to them! In fact, this is often necessary if/when they aren’t sorry for what they’ve done.

If you’ll notice above, only one of the suggested steps requires interacting with the offending person.

P.S. Looking for some practical ways to lower your stress levels? Download A Practical Guide to Stress | 17 Tricks to Take Control of Stress Today​ to help you develop a game-changing stress management plan. It’s free! Get yours HERE.

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post How to Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Sorry (& Let It Go!) appeared first on Deb Preston.

Or maybe a work-at-home mom?

What about a traditional working mom?

Have these questions ever crossed your mind? With so many options available to the modern mother, plus a whole host of important variables, it can be one of the hardest decisions to make.

Luckily for you, I’ve experienced all three! I became a stay-at-home mother a few months after my daughter was born. After two years, I launched a home-based business writing, editing, and managing the social media and digital marketing of several small businesses. And finally, when my daughter turned four, I returned to the traditional workforce full-time.

And after experiencing all three roles, I can assure you with confidence that the best decision for you is going to boil down to…wait for it…you. Your needs, your personality, your parenting style, and your family will all combine to create the perfect storm of circumstances that will land you at the best decision for you. And just in case your storm sputters out, we also created a handy quiz to help point you in the right direction.

But first things first! Let’s start by taking a closer look at each option!

(Just here for the quiz? Scroll to the bottom of this post to find it!)

Should I be a stay-at-home mom?

Becoming a stay-at-home mom was shockingly different from what I had expected. In comparison to the full time job I was leaving, I assumed I would enjoy a wide-open schedule. I planned to exercise daily, cook, clean, run all household errands, and still have hours to spare every day.

Instead, I struggled to even shower some days that first year. It turned out babies didn’t care if you were in the middle of shaving your legs or paying a bill or cooking dinner when they were hungry.

I resented being appreciated for my cleaning abilities instead of my sharp mind. I constantly wondered if my old coworkers still considered me relevant when we’d meet for occasional dinners.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything. Because I was able to share nearly every small moment of my daughter’s day with her.

I was present for her first laugh, her first word, and her first steps. I witnessed her slowly come out of her shell at the local library’s story time and watched in wonder as her interests and talents developed one by one.

Thanks to my time as a stay-at-home parent, I was able to build a very strong relationship with and connection to my daughter. Years later, we still often communicate without speaking and crack inside jokes together.

Staying at home also afforded our family more peace and balance. I didn’t usually have to run out the door with my daughter or rush through tasks. I had the time and bandwidth to practice patience and maintain a more flexible schedule to meet our needs.

Neither my husband nor I had to log eight hours at the office only to run home to cooking, cleaning, and household errands. By dividing and conquering responsibilities, we were able to better avoid feelings of overwhelm and stress. While being a stay-at-home parent isn’t for everyone, I will never, ever regret the one-on-one quality time it allowed me to invest in my child.

Pros to Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

• More quality time with your kids, experiencing all of the “firsts”
• The ability to enjoy a slower pace of life, taking more time and practicing patience when necessary
• Usually a more balanced household, with one spouse taking on the office, the other the home, and no one person having to be everything to everyone
• Easily able to attend and play an active role in school activities
• Available to participate in fun activities, like music class and story time
• Save money, stress, and germs by avoiding traditional child care options

Cons to Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

• Thankless job
• Difficult to “clock out,” often on duty for child care and household chores 24/7, 365 days a year
• Often brings about identity loss – Who am I outside of “mom” and “maid”?
• Can feel lonely, devoid of regular adult interactions
• …while also suffocating, challenging to do anything without a shadow
• One-income household, may experience financial concerns and stress

Tips For Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

• Plan for this role to require a lot more time and attention than you expect. It is not a part-time job.
• Remember that your value in this role isn’t dependent on how many activities you check off your list. Think quality over quantity.
• Work hard to maintain your personal identity and hobbies. It’s easier to maintain those things than to lose them and have to find them again.
• Don’t be afraid to renegotiate roles with your spouse. You might believe you can handle all child care, household chores, doctor’s appointments, and more, then find out you were wrong. Be honest with them about what you can do and what you can’t, and exactly when/where you need their help. Lack of communication here can quickly lead to resentment.
• Pick up more tips for transitioning into a stay-at-home mom role here!

(Just here for the quiz? Scroll to the bottom of this post to find it!)

Should I be a work-at-home mom?

Working from home felt like a breath of fresh air after focusing all of my efforts on being a stay-at-home mom for two years. I felt excited and empowered as I challenged myself to learn new skills and mastered them one by one. And it felt fantastic to churn out meaningful work that was focused not on my child or family, but on me.

The struggle in this role was actually finding time to work from home. My daughter wouldn’t allow me to sit for longer than five minutes before she needed a snack or help on the potty or to show me her latest drawing or magic trick or dance move. And my husband viewed any free time away from parenting her as our time together, rather than my time to work.

One approach that worked for me was to leave the house whenever possible. So after I’d drop my daughter off at preschool, I’d walk to the coffee shop just down the street and set up shop with my laptop and coffee for those few hours.

Being physically away from home not only signaled to my husband (and myself) that I was working, but also removed the temptation to pick up those few dishes or fold a load of laundry and simply focus on the task at hand.

Whatever you do for work, one consideration you’ll need to make in this role is whether your working from home is actually benefiting you and your family’s financial situation. There are a lot of work-from-home jobs or even MLM “opportunities” (like LuLaRoe or Rodan + Fields) that mostly promise potential income.

Be smart. Ask questions like, “What’s the minimum I’ll make if I don’t make a sale on every call?” or “I understand the potential, but what does the average consultant make?”

Add up the hours you’re working, divide them by the actual income you’ll make, and make sure you’re not taking time from your family and yourself to earn two bucks an hour.

(Want a list of tried and true actually profitable side jobs for moms? Check them out here.)

Pros to Being a Work-at-Home Mom

• Additional income
• Provides an outlet to flex your creativity and critical thinking skills in a new way
• Provides a refreshing change of pace from day-to-day parenting duties
• Easier to attend and play an active role in school and fun activities, due to a (usually) more flexible schedule
• Connects you socially with other adults
• Easier to transition back into traditional full time work when your children are older

Cons to Being a Work-at-Home Mom

• Difficult to find time to work when you’re still viewed primarily as a stay-at-home parent
• Difficult for kids to understand when/why they must leave you alone to work, constant struggle
• Every moment of downtime is filled with parenting, household chores, or work, with no real rest between
• May feel your job and career goals aren’t a priority to your spouse or children, or aren’t taken seriously

Tips For Being a Work-at-Home Mom

• Be incredibly mindful of how you utilize downtime. Be aware of when it’s coming and plan exactly what you’ll do with it.
• Include your spouse in creating that plan! Nothing is more frustrating than preparing yourself to knock out several hours of work only to learn your spouse made plans of their own for or with you during that time.
• Consider waking up earlier or staying up later to find the time you need. It’s easier (and much less frustrating) to work when your children are sleeping.

(Just here for the quiz? Scroll to the bottom of this post to find it!)

Should I be a traditional working mom?

I was excited to return to full time work when my daughter turned four, but also sad to see our long days together come to an end. While I was initially bummed that my new job wouldn’t allow me to work from home, I quickly learned it was a blessing in disguise, at least as far as work went.

I could drive to the office and focus my full attention on work. And I didn’t have to pause a project to open a snack for my daughter or retrieve my husband’s glasses for him or help them find the thing that was right in front of their faces. I found I was more productive and much less stressed when I was allowed to single-task instead of the multitasking to which I had grown so accustomed.

A traditional job also allowed my husband to bond with our daughter in a new way. Previously, I had always been there, almost like a translator or assistant between the two. My absence forced them to communicate and work together and become more independent of their wife and mother.

And my gosh, if it didn’t cause my husband to realize all of the things he had taken for granted and now had to do for himself! It turns out mom’s job wasn’t so easy after all!

But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard, especially that first year. Because working 40 hours a week and then rushing home to cook, clean, run household errands, give baths and hugs and bedtime stories, and more…well, it’s exhausting.

Your time is much more limited, and your family will feel that limit. I found I had to be more mindful of how I spent every moment, as well as of actually being present in each moment.

I’ve had to learn when to multitask and when to single-task, when to work harder and when to rest, when to turn my attention to my to-do list and when to set it aside for my family. In this role, you’ll feel you’re constantly chasing balance and will have to work hard to find and maintain it.

Pros to Being a Working Mom

• Additional, significant income
• Feelings of financial independence
• Helps provide identity outside of being a wife and mother
• Allows you to flex your creativity and critical thinking skills in a different arena
• Provides built-in breaks, like lunches and commutes
• Provides a natural medium for meeting people and building friendships

Cons to Being a Working Mom

• Hard
• So hard
• Move from office work to family/household chores and back again, with few breaks in between
• Weekends spent catching up at home, and so usually jam-packed
• Much more rushed and stressful pace of life
• Difficult to attend, let alone play an active role in, school and fun activities

Tips For Being a Working Mom

• Be mindful of how you spend your time. When your time is so limited, you can’t afford to lose yourself on social media for two hours. Ask yourself what each activity is accomplishing, and if it’s benefiting or hurting you, and act accordingly.
• Don’t neglect finding time for yourself. You may believe you don’t have the time for that, but without refreshing and recharging your own battery, you won’t be able to effectively serve others.
• Remember that families shouldn’t be carried entirely by one person. Your family is likely able to chip in with both small and large tasks. In fact, you might be impressed with what your kids and spouse can accomplish if you put them up to the challenge.

Wrap It Up

So…should I be a stay-at-home mom? A work-at-home mom? A traditional working mom? I think you’ll find it’s a deeply personal decision, and quite possibly an ever-changing decision.

But if you consider your personality, your parenting style, and your family’s needs…and if you can add that to the pros and cons of each role…I believe you can find your perfect fit! And just in case you’re struggling…here’s a quiz to help you narrow it down.

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post Quiz: Should I Be a Stay at Home Mom or Working Mom? appeared first on Deb Preston.

Ducks, Bucks, and Big Ol’ Trucks, written by Truitt Wieland and illustrated by Remesh Ram, tells the story of a young boy and his father on their daily “boy’s adventure.” Readers join them on a rural neighborhood walk as they attempt to spot the boy’s favorite things – ducks, bucks, and big ol’ trucks.

When a mallard crosses their path, the boy leaves his stroller to waddle behind the duck and join in its quacking. As the duck flies away, the search for a buck begins!

While the pair can only find some doves and squirrels at first, they soon spot a buck hiding behind a rock. As the buck “swooshes” away, his little white tail waving goodbye, the father and son are ready to find some trucks!

They’re initially disappointed to only find a motorcyle and a car on the road, but their patience is finally rewarded when they spot four “big ol’ trucks” driving in a row! In this fun finale, the trucks rev their engines, honk their horns, and wave to the excited young boy before the father-son duo return to their home.

First of all, I can say as an Iowan living in Texas that this book checks aaaaallllllllll the boxes for young boys who enjoy country living! You’ve got ducks, bucks, trucks, and lots of nature in between. I can tell you the exact children I know who would have lots to discuss and add to the story while reading this book.

I also loved that the book didn’t just spot animals and trucks, but taught a bit about them. Readers receive a little training on identifying mallards and bucks, and are educated by example as to how to respect wild animals and their natural habitats.

As always, I’m a sucker for books that speak to enjoying the simple things in life, and this book is no exception! There were no phones or screens, no big, flashy events, just a family enjoying a walk in nature. The author invites children to notice the details of wildlife and to appreciate the fun in simple activities, like watching for their favorite kind of car on the road.

And of course, who wouldn’t love the father-son bonding displayed in this book? Readers will appreciate that the pair didn’t have to make any complicated plans or spend money to enjoy one another’s company. The story highlights spending simple quality time together with your loved ones.

Overall, this is a sweet book with bright illustrations that kids and adults alike are sure to enjoy. You can find Ducks, Bucks, and Big Ol’ Trucks on Amazon.

Ducks, Bucks, and Big Ol’ Trucks Author Interview

Want to learn more about author Truitt Wieland? I did too! He was gracious enough to field a few questions and share what’s next for him!

Deb: Ducks, Bucks, and Big Ol’ Trucks offers a fun father-son adventure. What inspired you to write it?

Truitt: I wrote Ducks, Bucks & Big Ol’ Trucks during Covid. We lost all of our fitness locations and were forced to file bankruptcy.

Honestly, I wasn’t planning on writing a book. I was going on long runs and walks in my neighborhood with my youngest son to cope with everything we were dealing with. That spurred the book.

Deb: Your author bio in the back of the book mentions you grew up on your family’s ranch in Texas! What was your life like when you were a young boy?

Truitt: My life on the ranch was the most impactful thing in my life. In fact, my parents still operate it to this day, and I will be taking that over at some point.

Deb: I really loved that this book highlighted the simple pleasures that physical activity, nature, and quality time with family can bring, especially when combined! How do you help your children learn to appreciate the simple things in life?

Truitt: We spend a lot of time on the ranch, exploring and learning.

Deb: A lot of fathers find it difficult to bond with their kids at the same level that moms can. Do you have any tips for dads looking to create a more meaningful connection with their children?

Truitt: You are correct, a lot of fathers have a difficult time bonding. I am not sure I have this down, but I do two things: I show them how to work harder than anyone else, and I listen when they speak.

Deb: You recently released a book for men, Opereight: A Blueprint for the Modern Man! Can you tell us a bit about what inspired that book and what readers can expect to find there?

Truitt: I love helping others. OperEight was something I had been thinking about for years.

I shared a bit of my book I had been writing for a long time with a couple of people I saw struggling, just to help. They came back raving about how it helped them.

So, I decided to self-publish it. It has had no traction at all on Amazon, but I know it takes marketing $$, which I’m in no position to give at the moment.

Deb: What’s your vision for the future of your writing? Do you have more books in the works? Or any upcoming projects you’re excited about?

Truitt: I am almost finished with my second kids’ book. It is about my oldest son. 

I am doing my best to do what I love…speaking and helping people, businesses, and organizations. I have been speaking for many years, but would like to move into that much more.

Thanks so much for joining us today, Truitt!

You can pick up your own copy of Ducks, Bucks, and Big Ol’ Trucks on Amazon!

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post Children’s Book Review | Ducks, Bucks, and Big Ol’ Trucks (+ Author Interview!) appeared first on Deb Preston.

The problem is that while most people agree on the main details – eating just fruits and vegetables for 21 days – things can get murky after that. I’ve heard questions like:

• What exactly can I eat and drink?
• Can I have coffee or tea?
• Are natural sweeteners like honey or stevia allowed?
• Does the fast have to be 21 days?
• Is it okay to eat ‘Daniel-friendly’ versions of junk food?

My intention with today’s post is to save you some googling by putting all of the info you need, all in one place. So let’s chat, shall we?

Understanding the 21 Day Daniel Fast

The Daniel Fast is a 21-day spiritual discipline that combines restricted eating with focused prayer and Bible study. This biblical practice involves eating only plant-based foods while avoiding meat, dairy, processed foods, and sweeteners.

Biblical Origins and Significance

The Daniel Fast comes from the Old Testament book of Daniel. In chapter one, Daniel and his friends were taken as exiles to Babylon, where they refused the king’s food and wine.

The king’s food likely included items that went against Jewish dietary laws. These young men wanted to stay faithful to God even in a foreign land and so, asked to eat only vegetables and drink only water for ten days instead.

In Daniel chapter ten, the prophet fasted again for three weeks.

During this time, he ate no rich food, meat, or wine. This 21-day period of fasting and prayer led to a powerful spiritual experience and even an angelic visitation!

Purpose of the Daniel Fast

The purpose of completing a Daniel Fast today is to draw closer to God through prayer and spiritual discipline. The fast helps you focus on your relationship with the Holy Spirit by removing the distraction and influence of food from your life.

Many people use this practice to seek clarity and understanding when facing an important, potenitally life-changing decision. The 21 days of prayer, combined with restricted eating, can help to create space for God to speak into your life.

Others use this fast to help break unhealthy eating habits and food addictions. Removing processed foods and sugar can reset your body while strengthening your faith.

21-Day Commitment and Key Principles

The 21-day Daniel Fast follows specific dietary guidelines. You eat only fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds, and drink only water.

Foods to avoid include all animal products, sweeteners, leavened bread, caffeine, and alcohol. Processed and fried foods are also off-limits during the fast.

These restrictions, combined with the length of the fast, are going to require planning and preparation. After all, these aren’t standards you can easily meet in a fast food drive-through if you’re too tired to cook one night.

It’s important to remember that the 21 day Daniel Fast is about much more than what you eat! The commitment should extend beyond food choices to include equally-intentional prayer and Bible reading.

Planning and Practicing the Daniel Fast

A successful fast will require thoughtful preparation of both your meals and your spiritual disciplines. You’ll need to plan what foods to eat, schedule time for prayer and Bible study, and prepare for both physical and mental challenges.

Creating a Fasting Plan

Before your fast starts, take time to prepare your body and mind.

Consider gradually reducing the caffeine, sugar, and processed foods in your diet a few days before beginning. This will help to ease your transition into your new diet.

Set specific goals for your 21-day journey.

Write down your prayer request items and what you hope to gain spiritually. You might want to seek break-through in a specific area, grow closer to God, or develop better self-discipline.

Plan your daily schedule to include a dedicated time of prayer.

Many people find success scheduling their morning prayer sessions before eating breakfast. Others plan their time of prayer during lunch or evening hours. The key is going to be consistency and intentionality.

You might also consider reducing social media and entertainment during your fast. This can create more time and space for spiritual growth, plus help you avoid temptations related to food advertisements or posts.

Appropriate Foods and Ingredients

The Daniel Fast eating plan focuses on simple food choices that are plant-based and unprocessed.

You can eat all fruits and vegetables, whether fresh, frozen, or canned without additives. Whole grains like brown rice, quinoa, oats, and whole wheat are other staples that will help you feel full.

Approved Foods:

• All vegetables and fruits
• Whole grains (brown rice, oats, quinoa, barley)
• Legumes and beans
• Nuts and seeds
• Quality plant-based oils (olive, coconut, avocado)
• Herbal tea and water

Foods to Avoid:

• All animal products (meat, dairy, eggs)
• Sweeteners and added sugars
• Leavened bread and baked goods
• Deep-fried foods, processed foods, and fast food
• Caffeine and carbonated beverages
• Choice food items like desserts and chips

You’ll need to avoid all animal products, including fish, chicken, beef, and dairy. Soy products like tofu and tempeh are generally acceptable.

Nut butters such as almond butter or peanut butter can make great protein sources, but be sure to check labels to find those without added sugars or oils.

Many packaged foods contain hidden additives or preservatives that won’t align with your fast. You’ll want to stick to whole, unprocessed ingredients whenever possible.

Spiritual Practices During Daniel’s Fast

When following the 21 day Daniel Fast, your physical fasting should always be partnered with intentionally seeking God’s presence.

Prioritize reading the Bible during this time to connect directly to God’s Word…the easiest and most trustworthy way to hear God’s voice!

Set aside specific times each day to read Scripture, pray, and reflect. Many people follow a 21-day devotional plan for easy reference to daily readings and devotions.

Start each morning with prayer, asking God to speak to you throughout the day. You should also spend time listening in prayer, not just talking.

Quiet your mind and create space to hear from the Holy Spirit. This practice of listening prayer during fasting can transform how you experience God. (Click here for help differentiating between God’s voice and your own thoughts.)

Journaling your thoughts, prayers, and insights can create a helpful record of your spiritual journey. Write down what God reveals to you and any answers to prayer you receive.

Maintaining Health and Overcoming Challenges

Even though you’re fasting for spiritual purposes, fasting is obviously a very physical act as well. That’s why it’s important to care for your physical body during a 21 day Daniel Fast.

Drink plenty of water throughout each day. Aim for eight glasses or more to stay hydrated and help your body adjust.

You might experience headaches, fatigue, or irritability during the first few days.

These symptoms usually come from caffeine withdrawal or blood sugar changes. Taking healthy doses of rest and staying hydrated will help your body adjust.

If you have health concerns like diabetes, pregnancy, or other medical conditions, consult your doctor before starting. The Daniel Fast can be modified to address specific needs while maintaining its spiritual focus.

What about all those questions?

Just in case you missed the answers, let’s address the initial questions above as directly as possible, shall we?

What exactly can I eat and drink?

This is the most frequent question. The general rule of thumb is “if it comes from a seed, you can eat it.”

• Allowed: All fruits, all vegetables, all whole grains (brown rice, oats, quinoa), all legumes (beans, lentils), all nuts and seeds, and high-quality oils (olive, avocado).
• Prohibited: Meat, dairy, eggs, sugar/sweeteners of any kind, leavened bread (anything with yeast), processed foods, and deep-fried foods.
• Drink: The only beverage strictly allowed is water.

Can I have coffee or tea?

This is often the hardest part for people. (I’m raising my hand right along with you!)

Technically, the answer is no. Since the fast is based on Daniel’s choice to drink only water (Daniel 1:12), coffee and tea are excluded.

Additionally, the fast aims to “deny the flesh,” and for many, caffeine is a daily crutch or a “pleasant” stimulant that the fast seeks to temporarily remove. Some people choose to drink herbal tea, but strictly speaking, water is the standard.

Are natural sweeteners like honey, stevia, or maple syrup allowed?

Ugh, I hate being a bummer, but…no. Even though honey and maple syrup are “natural,” they’re still sweeteners.

The Daniel Fast excludes all “pleasant foods” and “choice foods.” The goal is to eliminate the craving for sweets and to focus on sustenance rather than indulgence.

Why is the fast 21 days long?

The duration comes from Daniel 10:2-3, which says: “At that time I, Daniel, mourned for three weeks. I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips…”

The 21-day period is seen as a significant enough amount of time to break old habits, detoxify the body, and dedicate a concentrated season to prayer and seeking God.

Is it okay to eat “Daniel-friendly” versions of junk food?

This is a common “grey area” question. For example, is it okay to make homemade potato chips fried in olive oil, or a “Daniel-fast pizza” with whole-wheat flatbread and no cheese?

Most spiritual leaders suggest that while the ingredients might be “legal,” the spirit of the fast is about simplicity and sacrifice. If you’re spending all your time trying to “cheat” the system by making healthier versions of junk food, you may be missing the spiritual focus of the fast.

I hope this guide helps you in your 21 day Daniel Fast!

Have any questions I didn’t answer? Or any tips from your own experience fasting? Be sure to share in the comments!

And friend? You’ve got this! I’m excited to hear what God does in your life during these 21 days!

P.S. Want to pray for someone in your family during your fast, but struggle to know what exactly to pray for them? Here are 10 meaningful things to pray for your spouse, 10 to pray for your children, plus printable reference cards to help you make prayer a habit! Get yours free HERE!

Disclosure: While all opinions are our own, we are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate advertising programs, designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites, at no additional cost to you.

The post 21 Day Daniel Fast | Your Guide to Prayer & Fasting appeared first on Deb Preston.