Ever feel like you and your spouse are veeeeery different? Like…night-and-day different from each other?
Friend, I feel you! My husband likes to build and shoot guns, play the drums, and follow mixed martial arts. I like to write, collect and read antique books, and take long walks alone.
I had zero interest in guns or MMA (I tried really hard to like them!) and zero talent for playing the drums. Meanwhile, my husband didn’t enjoy reading or taking walks.
It left me wondering how to find common interests with your partner! Once you try each other’s hobbies out and just can’t connect over them…what’s next?!
Step 1: Take Time to Understand Each Other’s Interests
Finding common interests with your partner offers a great way to deepen your connection. But before you can do that, you have to first take the time to truly understand each other’s individual interests, since this will help you recognize areas of potential compatibility.
How can you accomplish this? Start with open communication!
Engage in conversations about what each of you enjoys doing, your values, and beliefs. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, since questions will demonstrate your genuine interest in understanding their preferences and core values.
It might turn out that you and your partner have night-and-day different interests, and that’s perfectly fine!
Embrace these differences and try to identify individual interests that could be merged into activities you can both enjoy. For example, if one of you loves painting and the other loves being outdoors, you could spend an afternoon painting landscapes together.
Creating a list of your interests can also help you both visualize areas of overlap.
Sit down together and write down your hobbies, favorite TV shows, sports teams, or causes you care about. This exercise can lead to finding common ground that you might not have realized you shared.
Step 2: Try to Establish Some Common Ground
Now that you’ve discussed your individual interests, how can you find common ground? The first and most obvious choice is to capitalize on shared interests, whether it’s a hobby, a sports team, or even a musician or comedian you both like.
Discuss and Connect Over Similar Interests
If you uncover some shared interests, nurture those connections by engaging in activities together.
For example, if you both love cooking, experiment with new recipes or take a cooking class to enhance your skills. Attending events related to your common interests, like concerts, sports games, or art exhibitions, can also provide opportunities for bonding and deepening your connection.
You can even bond over binge-watching TV shows you both enjoy or playing a favorite video game, app, or board game together. Whether you both love walking the dog, keeping up with celebrity gossip, or texting Nicolas Cage GIFs, no shared interest is too small to provide bonding opportunities.
Compromise on Different Interests
At a complete loss for shared interests? Finding common ground with your partner can also be achieved by compromising on different interests.
You’re two completely different human beings, so of course you’re going to have unique hobbies and passions. Instead of dismissing each other’s interests, try to find a middle ground where you can both enjoy an activity.
For example, if one of you enjoys walking and the other prefers spending time at the gym, maybe you can go for a walk at a fitness park where you can both walk and use the outdoor fitness equipment.
If you haven’t already, you should also consider trying new activities or learning about your partner’s passions. Sure, I went to the gun range a few times with my husband and just couldn’t get into it. But I have friends who joined their spouses at the very same range and were surprised to learn that they loved shooting!
Even if something doesn’t seem exciting to you at first, participating in it together can often lead to newfound enjoyment. Or at the very least, your willingness to partake in your spouse’s interests can deepen your bond with one another.
Taking turns in trying out each other’s interests and participating in new experiences together will not only help you find common ground, but can also strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.
Step 2.5: Ideas for a New Shared Activity
Struggling to spitball ideas for new potential shared interests? Here are five common areas of hobbies and activities that couples can enjoy together, plus a few ideas of each to get you started.
Active and Outdoor Pursuits
- Hiking
- Cycling
- Kayaking
- Rock climbing
- Tennis
- Pickleball
- Running
- Skiing
- Camping
- Surfing
Creative and Artistic Expression
- Painting
- Pottery
- Photography
- DIY Home Projects
- Ballroom Dancing
- Creative Writing
- Gardening
- Playing Musical Instruments
- Sculpting
- Scrapbooking
Culinary and Gastronomic Experiences
- Cooking classes
- Wine tasting
- Baking
- Mixology
- Food tours
- Home brewing
- Hosting dinner parties
- Coffee tasting
- Visiting farmers’ markets
- Canning and preserving
Intellectual and Skill-Based Learning
- Learning a new language
- Strategy board games
- Book clubs
- Chess
- Trivia nights
- Astronomy
- Coding or web development
- Genealogy research
- Investing and personal finance
- Attending lectures or workshops
Travel and Exploration
- Road tripping
- Backpacking
- Urban exploration
- Visiting national parks
- Geocaching
- Museum hopping
- Train travel
- Staycations
- Historical site tours
- International travel exploration
Step 3: Put Your New Knowledge into Action
Now that we’ve talked about how to find some common ground, it’s important to ask…what the heck does that look like in real life?
Planning Date Nights
Date nights offer a great start! By scheduling dedicated time for each other, you’re creating an opportunity to explore new activities and create shared experiences.
This is where learning by trial and error will kick in. After all, any potential similar interests can sound good in theory, but the real test will be in trying them out together.
Consider taking turns in planning date nights, allowing each partner to introduce hobbies or interests they find enjoyable. This could include trying out a new recipe and cooking together, attending a concert, or embarking on a weekend getaway to a nearby city (or your own city!).
Being open to new experiences and stepping out of your comfort zone during date nights could help you discover new interests you may not have considered before. But even if the activity itself is a bust, you’ve invested time into your relationship, which is sure to help strengthen your bond. Check that bust interest off the list and test the next potential shared interest next time.
Trying New Hobbies Together
Actively seeking and trying out new hobbies together can also enrich your relationship, plus create lasting memories. As you explore a wide variety of activities, you might find common ground and mutual interests that can bring you even closer as a couple.
Sharing a hobby offers a meaningful way to bond and spend quality time together. Plus, it’s always fun and exciting to learn something new with your partner.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Join a local club or group that aligns with both of your interests, such as a photography club or a book discussion group.
- Attend a dance or cooking class together to learn new skills and enjoy a fun evening.
- Travel to destinations that both of you are curious about and immerse yourselves in the local culture.
- Volunteer for a cause you both care about to create a greater sense of connection and shared purpose in your relationship.
Remember, the key to building a strong relationship through shared activities is openness, communication, and willingness to explore new hobbies and experiences together. By investing time and effort into discovering common interests now, you can create a lasting and fulfilling connection with your partner well into the future.
Finding Common Interests Reinforces Your Emotional Bond
Finding and nurturing common interests with your partner will play a key role in reinforcing the emotional bond between you. Engaging in shared activities allows both partners to experience joy and create lasting memories, ultimately strengthening your relationship.
One effective way to reinforce your emotional bond is by simply talking about your common interests with your partner, whether you’re discussing something you’re both currently engaged in or just reminiscing a past experience. This will help to build your friendship and strengthen your bond.
To further reinforce the emotional bond, consider joining communities or clubs that cater to your shared interests. This will not only provide you with a regular space to enjoy activities together, but also create a support system that can contribute to enriching your marriage or partnership.
By investing time and energy in developing shared interests and increasing your level of emotional intimacy, you’ll find that your bond deepens and that you’ll create a foundation of love, joy, and friendship that will help your relationship thrive for years to come.
Exploring Different Interests Offers a Form of Self-Expression
Finding common interests with your partner can be a great way to bond and enhance your relationship. A huge reason for this is that it offers a form of self-expression, allowing you both to share and engage with each other on a deeper level.
As you start to explore your individual interests, you’ll find that you each have unique hobbies and passions. Take the time to listen to each other’s ideas and learn about the activities that make you both feel excited and engaged.
Whether it’s attending a local workshop or class, or signing up for a fun recreational sports league, immersing yourselves in a new environment allows you both to discover and develop new interests. Remember that you don’t have to be an expert in an activity to enjoy it together – the important part is sharing the experience with your partner and having fun.
In some cases, therapy can also prove to be a valuable tool for couples looking to explore their interests together. A therapist can help facilitate conversations that encourage self-expression and foster a deeper understanding of one another’s desires and passions.
In short, exploring interests as a form of self-expression with your partner can lead to a stronger, more enjoyable relationship. Embrace the journey and enjoy the process of expressing yourselves and creating shared experiences that will bring you closer together.
What if Your Partner is an Unwilling Participant?
It can be frustrating and even a little lonely when you’re trying to build a bridge of connection and feel like your partner is keeping the gate closed. This is a common hurdle in long-term relationships, and usually, the resistance stems from something other than a lack of interest in you.
Here’s a step-by-step approach to navigating this situation:
1. Understand the “Why”
Before pushing for more activities, try to understand why they’re saying no. People resist new hobbies for a variety of reasons:
- Burnout: They might be mentally or physically exhausted from work and just want to “veg out.”
- Fear of Failure: They might be afraid of looking silly or being bad at something you’re already good at.
- The “Pressure” Factor: If they feel like you’re “assigning” them tasks or trying to change them, they may reflexively say no to maintain autonomy.
- Preference for Routine: Some people find comfort in the familiar and view new things as stressful rather than exciting. (It’s me! I’m raising my hand!)
2. Change the Way You Invite Them
Instead of suggesting a specific activity, focus on the feeling or the goal.
- Instead of: “Let’s go for a hike on Saturday.”
- Try: “I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately and I really miss spending quality time with you. Would you be open to doing something together this weekend? I was thinking about a hike, but I’m open to any ideas you might have!”
- The “Low-Stakes” Invite: Sometimes a big commitment (like a 3-hour class) is intimidating. Start by suggesting something that takes 15–20 minutes.
3. Find “Neutral Ground”
If they aren’t interested in your hobbies, and you aren’t interested in theirs, stop trying to drag them into your world. Instead, look for something neither of you has done before. This puts you both on a level playing field.
4. Try “Parallel Play”
If they’re truly resistant to doing the same thing, try doing different things in the same space. For example, you can read your book while they play a video game, but do it on the same couch with your feet touching. This can help build “proximity intimacy,” which often lowers the barrier to eventually doing an activity together.
5. Try a “Trade-Off”
“I know you love watching [Show], and I’d love to watch an episode with you. Would you be willing to try [Activity] with me for 30 minutes afterward?” Frame it as an investment in the relationship rather than a chore.
6. Ask Them to Lead
If they’re rejecting all of your ideas, put the ball in their court…but be specific:
“I really want us to have an ‘us’ thing. Since my suggestions haven’t really appealed to you, could you pick one thing for us to try together this month? I promise to go into it with a great attitude, no matter what it is.”
7. Evaluate the “Connection Gap”
If your partner’s unwilling to try anything new and is also unwilling to suggest alternatives, the issue might not be about hobbies; it might be about a general lack of effort or emotional withdrawal.
Ask yourself:
- Are they going through a hard time (depression, stress)?
- Are we struggling with communication in other areas?
When to Let It Go
It’s healthy for partners to have separate interests. If you have a partner who is loving, supportive, and present in other ways, it might be okay to accept that your hobbies will remain separate.
You can find “common interest” in your shared values, your home, or your future goals, while continuing to invest time in individual interests. The goal isn’t necessarily to become the same person, but to ensure that even if your activities are different, your direction is the same.
…and Now You Know How to Find Common Interests with Your Partner!
My husband and I eventually learned that our personal interests just weren’t our partner’s cup of tea. So instead, we’ve bonded over TV series, game apps, home improvement projects, and even tennis!
Finding common interests with your partner can significantly strengthen your relationship.
Remember to always be open to new experiences and share your passions with each other. By attending events, trying new hobbies, and traveling together, you and your partner can discover activities and interests that you both enjoy together.
Include your partner in your personal interests and hobbies, even if you initially enjoy doing them separately. This can create opportunities for bonding and discovering shared interests.
While it’s great to have shared interests in a relationship, it’s also important to maintain a sense of individuality. You both should continue to explore your own hobbies and interests, as it enriches your own experiences and helps maintain a healthy balance in your relationship.
In the end, finding common interests with your partner will not only make your relationship stronger but also create lasting memories and experiences that you both can cherish. Enjoy the journey of discovering new interests and strengthening your bond with each other.
Frequently Asked Questions
What activities can couples do together?
There are a multitude of activities couples can enjoy together, such as cooking, exercising, traveling, and trying out new hobbies. Engaging in these activities together helps create memorable experiences and strengthens the relationship.
Make sure to communicate openly and find activities you both enjoy.
How can we discover new hobbies as a couple?
Discovering new hobbies as a couple can be both fun and rewarding.
Start by discussing your individual interests and look for commonalities. Then, explore those interests and try new activities together.
Attend classes or workshops, join local clubs, or attend events related to your interests.
What are some ways to identify shared passions?
To identify shared passions, have open and honest conversations with your partner about your likes, dislikes, and what brings you joy.
Keep an open mind and be willing to try new things. You may find that your individual interests overlap in unexpected ways, leading to shared passions.
Can we take a quiz to find common interests?
Yes, taking quizzes can be a fun and light-hearted way to discover common interests with your partner. There are several online quizzes available that can help you and your partner learn more about one another’s preferences and interests.
Keep in mind, however, that quizzes are just a starting point and deeper conversations are necessary for understanding your partner’s desires and passions.
How do couples build stronger bonds through shared activities?
Couples can build stronger bonds through shared activities by spending quality time together, learning new skills, and supporting one another in their individual growth. Shared activities also help strengthen communication, trust, and understanding between partners, all of which contribute to a deeper connection.
What shared experiences can bring us closer together?
Shared experiences that can bring couples closer together include facing challenges, trying new activities, learning from one another, and creating lasting memories. Some examples include traveling to new places, volunteering for a cause you both believe in, or participating in a physical activity like hiking or dancing.
The key is to find activities that both partners enjoy and that contribute to personal and relational growth.
P.S. Has your connection with your partner started to fade or disappear altogether? Do you want to reconnect again in a meaningful way? Try our 5-day email challenge! Sign up HERE to receive an email with fresh insight and challenges every morning!
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