I Don’t Like Being a Stay-at-Home Mom and That’s Totally Okay

I Don’t Like Being a Stay-at-Home Mom and That’s Totally Okay

I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom…it’s not what I thought it would be.

I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom. There. I said it.

So many moms gush about how much they love staying at home with their kids, how their passion has always been children, how they’ve dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom since they were a little girl. I envy those women. And I feel awful because of them, because I am not on the same page.

Reading children’s books, watching children’s shows and movies, learning and practicing things like colors and numbers…it’s mind-numbing at times. Yes, it’s extremely rewarding to see my child learn and grow. I can’t tell you how many teeny tiny things I’ve proudly announced to my husband that our daughter has learned or said while he was at work. But the process of getting there is monotonous.

When I first decided to stay home with our daughter until she started school, I imagined being almost like a preschool teacher to her. I would look up crafts and projects for us to work on that were developmentally appropriate. I would teach her letters and numbers using flashcards with pictures of apples and xylophones on them. But once I got started, I realized that I didn’t actually like or enjoy any of those things.

I Don’t Like Being a Stay-at-Home Mom and That’s Totally Okay

I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom…it’s boring.

I take my daughter to story times at the library, classes and play times at Gymboree, and any free or cheap local activities – free movies over the summer, carnivals, petting zoos, you name it! But I never feel very excited to go. In fact, I distinctly do NOT like going to story time. But I know that it’s great for my daughter’s development and that she loves getting out with other kids and trying new and different things, so I take her to everything I can find.

I like drawing with my daughter and helping her to act out movies with stuffed animals…for about 30 minutes. Then I kiss and hug her and encourage her to keep playing while I pick up around the house or do a little writing. I’m not the type of mom that likes or wants to play one-on-one all day long.

Honestly, I believe that playing by herself has helped her to develop an amazing imagination. Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself to feel better about it.

Staying at home has also slowly killed my social skills. I used to be able to strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. Now I flounder in social settings and spend the next hour after I’ve left replaying the conversations and wincing at things I said that I assume sounded stupid or insensitive. I second-guess and overanalyze the crap out of how I must have come across to people.

I don’t work out as often, and don’t wear anything trendy or cute or flirty most days. Comfort is the name of the game when your plans for the day include having your hair brushed by your toddler using a plastic toy fork.

I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom…but I do.

And yet…my daughter will only be this age once. And that knowledge causes me to cherish every single moment of every action-packed, exciting day as well as every monotonous day spent with her. I miss these days before they’re even gone yet, with the full understanding of just how precious this time with her is.

The fact is that even though I miss the challenge of working at a more traditional job, solving complex issues and actually meeting with real live people, I do not want to work full-time unless and until she’s in school full-time. I don’t want to work 8 hours a day and commute another hour, only to enjoy a few rushed hours with her before her 7:30 bedtime.

I would be jealous of anyone else who got to spend these boring days with her. It would feel as if they were somehow stealing the time I want, stealing the role I want…but don’t want.

I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom…but I want to be one.

The truth is that staying home with her is the best thing for our entire family. I get to be a part of nearly every moment of her few precious years at home. I have the privilege of helping to shape her character and her mind.

Because we’re able to stay in our own home, my husband, who works from home, can visit with his daughter during breaks and lunch. He can occasionally enjoy a tiny visitor bursting through his office door to yell, “I’m a duck!”, quack in his face, and run away giggling.

And because I can take care of most of the housework while I’m home and watching our daughter, my husband and I don’t have the stress of trying to knock out housework and errands and spend quality time with our daughter within 2-3 evening hours. We’re enjoying more balance and peace in our lives.

I Don’t Like Being a Stay-at-Home Mom and That’s Totally Okay

I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom…and that’s totally okay.

It’s totally okay that I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom. It’s not my dream and not even really my “thing.”

I don’t have to love watching cartoons, learning colors, singing the Hokey Pokey for the 276th time at story time, playing pretend all day, or rarely finding an occasion to dress nicely. We all have different personalities and preferences. Not loving staying at home doesn’t mean that I don’t love my daughter.

I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom. But I’m cherishing every moment with her and creating a more balanced and peaceful atmosphere in our home. I’m 110% available every time that little voice calls, “Mommy!” And that’s all that really matters.

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5 Comments

  1. This was good Deb.
    With everything we do, there are ups and downs. What you’ve done is speak about the reality of the downs, and that’s something most people don’t want to see.
    You guys are truly blessed to have this time with that beautiful girl. Enjoy it but don’t lose yourself.

    1. Thank you, Bill! I really do feel blessed to stay home with her and cuddle her and laugh at her jokes and funny quirks (she’s a mini Josh, God help me, haha). I feel like I’ve finally found a healthy balance of being a good mom, but not losing myself. It only took me two years! :\

  2. Thank you so much for being honest in this post! It takes courage to write the truth and the truth is that I really don’t enjoy being a stay at home mom either. Haha! I’m not a kid person and it’s really difficult for me to be excited everyday about it. I haven’t heard one single mom that shares this in common with me or that is honest. I also, loved the part where you said, that you don’t like staying at home but you love your daughter. That’s exactly it! So, thank you!

    1. You’re not alone! <3 I feel like most people (especially other mamas that would kill to stay home) think I'm being ungrateful, or assume I'd rather work and dump my kid on someone else. And that's not true at all! Stay at home mom-ing just isn't my jam, but I'm eternally grateful for this time and opportunity with my daughter. Hang in there, mama!!

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