How to Stop Over Talking and Interrupting Others

Over the last few months, we’ve tackled several bad habits on this blog. But there’s one bad habit that’s often chalked off as a personality trait or communication style, and so is often overlooked. Today, we’re tackling over talking.

Over talking can sometimes look like just that – excessive talking. But it can also manifest as:

• Failure to recognize social cues
• Lack of active listening
• Short attention span
• Regularly interrupting the flow of conversation
• Demanding the spotlight in social situations
• Developing a reputation as a chronic interrupter
• Regularly insisting on taking control of the conversation
• Having a hard time adjusting to the expectations of different social settings
• Displaying a general lack of social skills

Compulsive talkers may have lots of relevant and interesting things to say! But their approach to communication, whether with a friend, family member, coworker, or stranger, can undermine their very best efforts to connect with others…and no one wants that!

So let’s talk about how to stop over talking and kick this bad habit to the curb once and for all!

Understanding Over Talking

Over talking can hurt your relationships and unintentionally upset people around you. It’s a tougher bad habit to break because it’s likely been your communication style your entire life!

The first step is to learn how to spot over talking and determine what’s causing your excessive talking in particular.

Identifying the Habit

You might be an over talker if you tend to dominate conversations. That could mean constantly dictating the conversation topic, interrupting the flow of conversation, or relating everything someone says back to your own similar experience.

Do your friends and family members seem bored or try to change the subject when you speak? That’s a big clue you shouldn’t ignore!

Other signs include:

• Interrupting others before they finish
• Talking non-stop without pauses
• Giving too many details about simple topics
• Feeling anxious when you’re not speaking

Pay attention to how much you talk in social settings. If you’re always the one telling stories, you might be over talking.

Common Causes and Psychology

But why are some people excessive talkers in the first place?

Compulsive talkers can develop this bad habit in response to lots of different causes. Some common reasons include:

• Social anxiety or nervousness
• Loneliness
• Insecurity
• Need for attention or approval
• Poor listening skills
• Excitement about a topic

Your upbringing plays a role too. If your family valued constant chatter, you might have learned to fill silences.

Excessive talking can also be a sign of ADHD or other mental health issues. Be sure to talk with your doctor if you think that might be the case for you!

Understanding why you over talk is the first step to changing the habit.

The Impact of Over Talking

If you’re reading this post, you’ve probably already experienced how over talking can strain relationships and make social interaction feel awkward. It can also leave the recipients of excessive talking feeling unheard and frustrated.

Let’s talk about why it’s so stinking important to turn this communication style around!

Effect on Social Situations

Excessive talking can make you seem self-centered in social settings, even if you’re not! When you dominate conversations, it leaves little room for others to share their thoughts.

This can lead to:

• People avoiding you at gatherings
• Fewer invitations to social events
• A reputation as a chronic interrupter or someone who doesn’t listen

Your friends may feel overwhelmed by your constant chatter. They might start to tune you out or make excuses to end conversations early.

In work settings, over talking can harm your professional brand.

Colleagues may see you as unfocused, deaf to social cues, or generally lacking in social skills. This could affect your chances for promotions or collaborating on team projects.

Consequences in Personal Relationships

Over talking can also put a strain on your closest bonds.

Your family members might feel:

• Unheard or ignored
• Frustrated by interruptions
• Unable to express their own needs

Your partner may feel like they can’t get a word in edgewise.

This can lead to:

• Reduced intimacy
• More arguments
• A sense of emotional distance

Even your children might learn to tune you excessive talking! This can hurt your ability to guide and connect with them.

The Power of Self-Assessment

So what can you do about all of this? The first step is to take an honest self-assessment.

Self-assessment requires that you make a conscious effort to become more aware of your talking habits. It allows you to spot areas where you might talk too much and make a plan for change.

Recognizing Social Cues

Pay attention to how others react the next time you speak to them. Do they look interested or bored? 

Watch for signs like yawning, checking their phone, or looking away. These may mean you’re talking too much.

Take note if people try to change the subject or end the chat. This should be a signal to you that they want a turn to talk. 

Listen for pauses where others might want to join in.

Try to pick up on body language too!

Crossed arms or stepping back might mean the person needs space. If you see these signs, wrap up your thoughts and ask them a question.

Monitoring Your Talk Time

Use your phone or watch to keep track of how long you speak in conversations. Set a goal to limit your talk time to a few minutes at most.

Count how many times you speak in meetings or group chats.

Aim to speak less than others if you tend to dominate the flow of conversation. Give yourself a “talk budget” and stick to it.

Ask a friend to give you a signal if you’re talking too much. This feedback can be a great way to improve an excessive talking habit.

Strategic Conversation Techniques

But you don’t just want to curb your bad habit, right?

You want to become a thoughtful and respected conversationalist! You want to improve your relationships!

Talking less and listening more can make your conversations more meaningful and effective. These techniques will help you manage dialogue and choose topics that matter.

Balancing the Flow of Conversation

To keep conversations balanced, try the “talk-listen-pause” method.

You talk briefly, then listen to the other person, and pause to reflect. This gives everyone a chance to share ideas.

Ask open-ended questions to encourage others to speak.

“What do you think about…?” works well. It shows you care about their thoughts.

Pay attention to body language. If someone looks bored or distracted, it might be time to change the subject or wrap up your train of thought.

Choosing Your Conversation Topic Wisely

Pick topics that interest both you and the other person. This makes the chat more fun for everyone.

Before a meeting or party, think of a few good subjects to discuss. Current events, shared hobbies, or recent experiences often work well.

Avoid touchy subjects like politics or personal issues unless you know the other person well. 

If you’re having a hard time finding common ground, ask about their interests or recent activities.

And remember, it’s okay to have quiet moments. Don’t feel pressured to fill every silence with constant chatter.

Embracing Active Listening

While it’s important to make room for others to speak, it’s equally important to listen to them in a way that makes them feel genuinely heard. Otherwise, you’ll seem as if you’re just waiting for them to finish so you can speak again.

The answer? Active listening!

Active listening helps you talk less and understand more. It builds stronger connections and improves your social skills.

Essential Listening Skills

Good listeners focus on the speaker. Put away your phone and other distractions and make eye contact. 

Don’t interrupt or run through what you’ll say next in your head. Instead, pay attention to the speaker’s words and body language.

Try these techniques:

• Nod and use small verbal cues like “mm-hmm” to show you’re listening.
• Ask questions to clarify points you don’t understand.
• Repeat key ideas in your own words to check your understanding.

And practice being quiet!

Count to three before speaking to avoid jumping in too quickly. This gives others the time and space to share their thoughts fully.

The Role of Empathy

Empathy is key to active listening.

It means trying to understand the other person’s feelings and point of view. Practicing empathy means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes as they speak.

Empathy not your strong suit? Don’t worry, it can be developed over time!

To build empathy, practice these skills during your conversations:

• Listen without judging.
• Notice the speaker’s tone and emotions.
• Think about why they feel the way they do.
• Think about how you might feel in the same situation.

Showing empathy makes others feel heard and valued.

It creates trust and opens up deeper conversations. You’ll learn more about people and form stronger bonds when you develop a reputation as an empathetic friend and listener.

Remember, good listeners don’t just hear words. They connect with the speaker’s message and emotions.

This skill takes practice, but it will greatly improve your communication style and relationships, guaranteed!

Managing Impulsivity

I know what you’re thinking, I really do!

I’m an impulsive person. Every thought in my head goes straight to my lips. It’s just who I am!

While you may not be able to control compulsive thoughts, you can learn how to delay those thoughts from reaching your lips, or even keep them to yourself altogether!

Controlling impulsive speech takes practice and patience. Two of the most helpful social skills you can learn are how to pause before speaking and how to build up your ability to wait.

Delaying Responses

Take a breath before you talk. This small pause will give you time to think.

Try counting to five in your head before answering questions.

When you feel the urge to interrupt, bite your tongue. No, seriously, physically bite it! Or put your hand over your mouth as a reminder to stay quiet.

Make a rule for yourself to wait until the other person finishes talking. Once they’ve finished, count to three before you start speaking.

Afraid you’ll lose your thought if you don’t blurt it out right. this. second?!

Use a notepad or the notes app on your phone to jot down your thought for later. This will help you remember what you want to say without interrupting others or blurting it out at an inappropriate time.

Building Patience

Set a timer when you’re talking.

Give yourself 2 minutes, then stop and let others speak. Gradually increase the time (when the conversation topic and/or flow of conversation deems it appropriate!) as you improve.

Practicing active listening can help to build your patience too!

Focus on what others are saying instead of planning your response. Ask questions to show you’re paying attention and make the speaker feel valued.

Take deep breaths and notice your surroundings. This can help to calm your mind and slow your response time.

Role-play conversations with a friend or your partner. (I am positive your partner is aware of your excessive talking habit and would be happy to help!)

Get feedback on when you’re talking too much. And reward yourself when you keep things brief!

And remember…excessive taking is usually a symptom of a deeper issue at hand. Try mindfulness exercises to slow your thoughts, both during conversations and in your everyday life.

Digital Communication and Over Talking

Digital platforms have changed how we talk to each other.

While over talkers will feel the biggest strain from in-person social settings, it’s also easy to share too much online and/or send texts or messages that are too long. Learning good conversational habits can help you communicate better digitally, too!

Social Media Etiquette

Social media can make it miiiiighty tempting to overshare! In fact, the entire system was designed to get you to share as often as possible and reward you with views and likes when you do!

But…think before you post. Ask yourself if what you’re sharing is needed or interesting to others.

Keep your posts short and sweet, and use bullet points for longer thoughts. This makes your content easier to read.

Don’t flood people’s feeds. Limit the number of times you post each day, or you might find yourself quietly unfollowed by friends and family members who are tired of you taking up 90% of their feed and don’t care what you ate for breakfast.

Remember, too, that quality beats quantity on social media!

When commenting, be brief and stay on-topic.

Avoid writing long replies that take over the conversation. If you have a lot to say, consider sending a private message instead.

Email and Messaging Boundaries

Set clear limits for your digital messages. Keep emails short and to the point.

Try the “five sentence rule” for emails. If you need more than five sentences to convey your message, consider a quick call or meeting instead.

On text and chat apps, break up long thoughts into shorter messages. This allows others to jump in and keeps the chat flowing.

Pause between thoughts to allow others the time and space they need to respond to your message and share their own thoughts. This demonstrates respect and helps everyone be heard.

And use emojis and GIFs wisely. They can add fun to the conversation, but can also be distracting or even downright annoying depending on your audience.

Improving Through Practice

Remember to show yourself some grace! Rome wasn’t built in a day and people can’t break decades worth of a habit in a week or even a month.

But if you’re ready to roll right this second, practicing these communication habits can help you speed up the process! You can try role-playing and get feedback from others to improve your skills.

Role-Playing Exercises

Role-playing is a great way to work on talking less. You can ask a friend or family member to help you practice conversations. 

Try these exercises:

• Set a timer for 2 minutes. See if you can listen without interrupting for that time.
• Practice giving short answers to questions. Aim for 30 seconds or less.
• Take turns telling a story. When it’s your turn to listen, focus on not jumping in.

You can also practice brevity on your own. 

Every night before you go to bed, try summarizing your day in just three sentences. This helps you focus on the key points without extra details or rabbit trails.

Learning from Feedback

Getting feedback from others, especially those who know you well and/or interact with you often, can be incredibly helpful. Ask friends or family to let you know when you’re talking too much. 

After conversations, ask people:

• Did I give you enough time to speak?
• Was I clear and to the point?
• Did I interrupt or talk over you?

Use their answers to set goals for yourself. Maybe you want to ask more questions or pause more often.

Write down your goals and review them before social events.

Enlisting Support from Others

Getting help from people you trust can make a big difference in changing your talking habits. Support from loved ones and experts can provide both guidance and accountability.

Leaning on Family and Friends in Social Settings

When you’re in social situations, ask a family member or close friend to give you gentle reminders when you start talking too much. Pick a secret signal they can use, such as touching their ear, to allow them to help without embarrassing you in front of others.

Seeking Professional Help

If you believe your over-talking might be linked to mental health issues like anxiety or ADHD, a therapist can help! They can teach you coping skills and communication techniques to help you reach both your communication and relationship goals.

A speech therapist might be helpful too. They can work with you on pacing and turn-taking in conversations.

You might also consider joining a support group for people with similar challenges. You can learn from others’ experiences and get tips on what works and what doesn’t.

Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows you’re committed to improving yourself and your relationships.

Although your communication style might feel written in stone, it’s actually very possible to learn how to stop over talking!

What have you found works well? Be sure to share your tips in the comments!

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