The Role of a Husband in the Bible: What is Expected?

What does it mean to be a good husband? What about a good Christian husband?

Many men take their role in the family to be one of a provider and protector. If they have a job and a gun, they’ve done their part, right?!

But the call of a Christian husband is to provide much more than money…and to protect not just their family’s physical bodies, but also their minds, hearts, and spirits.

What does it say about the role of a husband in the Bible? Let’s dive in together!

Roles and Responsibilities

The Bible has a lot to say about husbands! This is because your position as a Christian husband carries significant roles and responsibilities.

Headship and Support

As a husband, you are considered the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. This headship is a supportive partnership where, just like Christ as the head of the church, you are entrusted with the well-being of your family as the head of your family (Ephesians 5:25-28).

Think of it like being the President – while it’s your role to lead your family (country), you are also responsible for carrying the burden of your family’s (country’s) physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. When it comes to the state of your family, good or bad, God holds you accountable as the head.

That means you’re called not to use your status as the head of the wife to simply dominate, but to provide steadfast support that fosters growth and harmony within your marital relationship. You are in a position to make one of the greatest impacts on the eternal life of both your wife and children, and God takes that position very seriously.

Love

Love is possibly the most pivotal commandment for you as a husband. In fact, there is no such thing as a healthy marriage without love at its center.

You are urged to love your wife just as Christ loved the church and sacrificed for it. This means displaying a selfless and sacrificial love that cherishes and cares for her.

But it’s also about loving your wife with respect, understanding that even though the husband is the head of the wife, both of you are equal partners before the Lord God. When your love for your wife is pure, and your respect evident, it creates a foundation of trust and mutual submission.

The Bible takes this responsibility very seriously, teaching that failing to treat your wife in this way will hinder your prayers from being answered.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:7

A Biblical Husband as a Leader

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:22-24

What does it mean to be the head of the wife? And the head of the family?

Many men in the church consider their role to be mainly one of authority. They feel the Bible backs up their right to call all the shots, and backs up their wife’s commandment to submit without question or even opinion. (Sharing your opinions and asking too many questions undermines your husband’s authority…right?!)

But the Apostle Paul had more to say about this headship in 1 Corinthians 11:3: “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” That means that your leadership must be fully submitted to Christ, and reflect Christ’s headship over you.

From this perspective, true leadership is more about your responsibilities than your authority (though the authority is there as well, of course). You as a husband are called to lead your family with love and integrity, reflecting the loving nature of the Lord of Hosts.

Spiritual Leadership

Your role as a spiritual leader in the home is to emulate the way Christ leads the church. This means guiding your family in faith and moral decisions with both wisdom and compassion.

This also means you must regularly read the Bible, pray with and for your family, attend church, and live out the Great Commission, while leading your family to do the same. A truly biblical husband leads his family on the path to eternal life.

Guiding the Family

As a biblical husband, your guidance encompasses more than just spiritual matters. It implies providing stability, protection, and direction in all aspects of family life.

First Corinthians 11:3 explains the hierarchy ordained by God, placing you as a Christian husband in a role of headship to lead (1) with authority and (2) by example.

That means when you instruct your family to serve one another, you guide them to do so by serving them. When you encourage your children to act with integrity, you do it by acting with integrity yourself, at work and in your home. And when a disagreement with your wife means you both have room for improvement, it means you take the first step to lead and inspire her by your example.

Parenthood and the Role of a Christian Husband

As a Christian husband, your role in parenthood according to biblical principles involves actively participating in the discipline and teaching of your children as well as providing for and protecting your family. Let’s explore how you can embody these responsibilities.

Discipline and Teaching

In the biblical context, discipline doesn’t merely imply correction but includes nurturing and guiding your children toward moral and spiritual virtues. Proverbs 22:6 emphasizes this:

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Your duty involves more than just setting rules; it involves being a living example of what you teach. 

• Communicate consistently and clearly about expectations and consequences.
• Practice patience and understanding as you guide your children through life’s challenges.

Providing and Protecting

Performing your duties diligently at work reflects the very serious biblical principle found in 1 Timothy 5:8 about providing for your household:

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Some husbands are unable to provide financially for their families due to disabilities or other restrictions. However, this doesn’t excuse them from their role as provider, as the role goes beyond meeting the material needs of your family. 

Providing for your family is about fostering a stable environment where every member feels cared for and secure. In this way, even those unable to earn an income can provide for and contribute to their families.

Additionally, protection is one of the key aspects of your role. 

Ephesians 5:25-29 talks about the way husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. This sacrificial love implies a strong commitment to the welfare and protection of your family from physical, emotional, and spiritual harm.

• Ensure that your family has adequate resources for daily living and future needs.
• Create a safe and loving environment where your spouse and children feel safe and can flourish.

Biblical Foundations of Marriage

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord God.

Proverbs 18:22

But a Christian husband doesn’t act independently, does he? The role of husband functions within the greater role of marriage. So…what does God’s Word say about a biblical marriage?

When you explore the Biblical foundations of marriage, you’ll find that the principles established in scripture highlight a profound union initiated by God. This covenant is rooted in the creation story and is exemplified through the vows made between spouses.

Creation of Man and Woman

Genesis 2:18-24 describes the moment when the Lord God purposed that man should not be alone, deciding, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, during which He created Eve from one of Adam’s ribs.

This means that woman was made from man’s own body, symbolizing an inseparable connection. Your understanding of biblical marriage starts here, with the woman also being made in the image of God, just as man was made in God’s own image, underscoring the equality and unity the Lord God intended for this lifelong partnership.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:27

Marriage Covenant and Vows

Marriage is not only a companionship but also a covenant that reflects your commitment to your own wife or husband as described in the Bible. Throughout scripture, vows are taken seriously as they represent your promises not only to your spouse but also to God.

These vows form the foundation of the “one flesh” principle, where you and your spouse are no longer two independent entities but are joined to become one in heart, purpose, and spirit. This commitment mirrors the steadfast love and fidelity that God exhibits with humanity.

Marriage in the New Testament

In the New Testament, marriage serves not only as a social institution but also carries spiritual significance. It’s depicted as a symbol of the union between Christ and the church and as such, is a subject of discussion, most notably in the teachings of Christ Jesus and the Apostle Paul.

Teachings of Christ Jesus

Jesus discussed marriage on several occasions. He emphasized the importance of faithfulness in marriage, equating divorce and remarriage to adultery in certain contexts, except for marital unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9). 

His reverence for the marital bond underscores its value, suggesting that what the Lord God has joined together, let no one separate (Matthew 19:6). This demonstrates the view of marriage as a lasting and unbreakable covenant.

The Letters of the Apostle Paul

In his letters, the Apostle Paul provides further insights into Christian marriage. His teachings often link the relationship between husbands and wives to that of Christ and the church.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Ephesians 5:25-27

In them, you’ll see an emphasis on mutual respect. Husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25), and wives are advised to respect their husbands as the church respects Christ as the head of the church. 

But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7:3-9

In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he speaks to the married woman and man about having equal authority over each other’s bodies. This promotes a balance of power and mutual consent in marital relations (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).

It’s important to note that Paul doesn’t promote marriage as a necessity for all. Instead, he presents it as a matter of personal calling (1 Corinthians 7:7-9).

Love and Sacrifice in Marriage

Your display of love and sacrifice in your marriage reflects a profound principle set by Christ Jesus himself. The biblical perspective on this isn’t about superficial gestures but encompasses a deep, selfless commitment akin to Christ’s love for the church.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.

Ephesians 5:25-30

Christ’s Example

Christ Jesus provided a model of sacrificial love that goes beyond mere feelings or words.

In Ephesians 5:25-27, you are called to love your wife as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of water with the word. This act wasn’t just a sacrifice but also a route to sanctification and purity, illustrating that your love in marriage should aim to elevate and perfect your spouse in love.

Husbands Loving Wives as Their Own Bodies

In the same vein, Ephesians 5:28-30 instructs husbands to love their wives as their own bodies, for no one hates their own body but feeds and cares for it.

This analogy conveys that loving your wife sacrificially is also about cherishing and nurturing, just as Christ does for the church. Loving as one’s own body not only encapsulates the idea of sacrifice but also of unity and care.

Challenges in Marriage

Even if you’re a model biblical husband, and your spouse is the perfect Christian wife, you’re still guaranteed to run into challenges in your marriage. Thankfully, understanding and addressing challenges can not only help to resolve them, but make your bond even stronger!

God’s Word provides guidance on navigating these challenges, emphasizing the importance of both managing conflict and supporting each other with love and respect.

Managing Conflict

Conflicts are a natural part of marriage and as the head of the wife, the husband is called to take the lead in addressing and resolving them.

The Bible encourages addressing conflict with wisdom and grace, with Ephesians 5:15-17 advising:

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.

This suggests a proactive approach:

• Address Issues Promptly: Don’t let disagreements fester.
• Communicate Clearly: Be honest but gentle in expressing your thoughts.
• Exhibit Understanding: Approach your spouse in an understanding way, valuing their feelings and perspectives.
• Offer Love and Respect: Both are essential ingredients for a harmonious marriage.

Remember, it’s better to find a peaceful solution than to win an argument.

Choosing to Assume the Best of Your Spouse

Many conflicts arise in marriage when spouses choose to see and believe the worst in each other. While we often consider Philippians 4:8-9 as a guideline for guiding our thoughts on other topics, we can also use it to guide our view of our spouse:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such thing.

By actively choosing to see and focus on the best in our spouse, we’ll have a better chance of creating not only a harmonious marriage but also a more peaceful and content thought life.

Intimacy and Faithfulness

In navigating the waters of marriage, the Word of God places great emphasis on both intimacy and faithfulness as cornerstone virtues.

You’ll find that throughout Scripture, these principles are not just encouraged but held as a reflection of divine love and covenant. As a biblical husband, it’s important that you help to nurture these qualities within your relationship.

Physical Union

Many men emphasize the importance of regular and satisfying sex in their marriage over all other marital expectations. And while sex is certainly important, a good husband recognizes that it’s much more than a physical act.

The Word of God speaks to the sacredness of the marriage bed, highlighting sexual relations as a powerful expression of unity. Genesis 2:24 frames this union with the vivid imagery of becoming “one flesh.”

This isn’t simply a physical act. It’s a deeply spiritual event where two individuals join not only their own bodies but also their lives and souls.

• Biblical Guidance: Preserve the marriage bed from defilement (Hebrews 13:4).
• Self-Control: The Bible acknowledges the challenge of self-control, offering marriage as a legitimate place where passions are rightfully indulged (1 Corinthians 7:9).

Emotional Connection

Beyond the physical, you are called to foster an emotional intimacy that transcends the surface level of relationship. Emotional fidelity complements physical faithfulness, cultivating a safe space for both you and your spouse to share vulnerabilities and support each other.

• Understanding: Strive to truly know and be known by your spouse—this forms the bedrock of trust and emotional closeness.
• Nurturing: Invest in your spouse’s emotional well-being by consistently providing a listening ear, a supportive shoulder, and a committed heart.

Living as a Christian Couple

When you commit to living as a Christian couple, you are choosing to weave your faith into the very fabric of your marriage. This journey is about more than just attending church together; it’s about making your home a living testament to God’s love.

Faith in the Home

As a Christian couple, making your faith central in your home is essential. 

Prayer should be as common as any daily routine. Encourage each other to actively seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in all aspects of life.

For a Christian wife with an unbelieving husband, her steadfast faith and loving conduct can be a powerful testimony, aligning with 1 Peter 3:1-7.

• Daily Practices:
  • Prayer: Set aside time for you and your partner to pray together.
  • Scripture Reading: Share and discuss passages that resonate with your family life.

Witnessing to Others

Your unity as a couple can illuminate the strength and love found in Christian values. Living harmoniously offers visibility to others of God’s work within your relationship. 

Whether it is through acts of kindness, community involvement, or simply the way you respect each other, you bear witness to a godly union as advised in Matthew 19:6.

• Tips for Witnessing:
  • Act in love and kindness both inside and outside your home.
  • Invite others to see how faith positively impacts your marriage and family life.

Qualities of a Good Spouse

The Word of God offers profound guidance on the virtues and commitment required to be not just a good husband, but a good spouse in general.

Virtues and Character

Love and faithfulness: A cornerstone of being a good husband is to love deeply, as love can overcome and forgive a myriad of faults. 

Commitment and integrity: Demonstrating unwavering commitment and integrity is vital, ensuring actions are taken with respectful and honest intentions.

Humility and patience: Exhibiting humility is essential, as it fosters an environment where you can grow together, learn from each other, and admit when you’re wrong. 

Patience: A biblical husband practices patience, knowing that it allows you to weather storms together and provides the space for mutual growth and understanding.

Mutual Support and Understanding

Effective Communication: To support one another, it’s essential to have open lines of communication. 

This means actively listening and expressing your thoughts clearly. Understand that communication is the best way to navigate through life’s challenges unitedly.

Shared Leadership: A good husband also recognizes the importance of shared decision-making. By honoring and valuing each other’s opinions, you can lead your family with a balance of strength and grace.

There is no such thing as a perfect husband. But by actively working toward embodying these principles and seeking guidance from the Word of God and the Holy Spirit, you can be a very good husband!

With the Holy Spirit to guide and help you, you’ll look more and more like a truly biblical husband every day. You’ve got this, friend!

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