Take Responsibility For Your Life –> Take Back Power

I recently read about a teenager whose father lost his job. After living in a van with family members, then a tent, he quit school to work as a janitor to help pay the bills.

No one would fault him for playing the blame game! After all, some very unfair things happened to him that had nothing to do with his own actions or personal responsibility.

Wouldn’t you understand if that teenager never quite left those circumstances, considering the hand he was dealt? In fact, that teenager was none other than Jim Carrey!

He didn’t allow the circumstances of the present moment to determine his future in the long run. He knew how to take responsibility for his life.

Why We Must Take Responsibility

Whatever our circumstances, there are a few inescapable truths we must accept:

Our circumstances, the things that happen to us, will let us down.

Bethany Hamilton was a rising star in the surfing community when she lost her arm in a shark attack at just 13 years old. She was back on her surfboard one month later and just two years later, won first place in her division at the NSSA National Championships.

Why try surfing again after such a traumatic experience? Bethany explained, “If I don’t get back on my board, I’ll be in a bad mood forever.”

We have no idea what life may throw at us in the years to come, good or bad, that have nothing to do with our own actions. And if we allow those circumstances to dictate our happiness, we may easily find ourselves “in a bad mood forever.”

While we can’t control the unfair things that might happen to us, we can take personal responsibility for how we choose to react. In fact, that’s the only way you can truly take control of your life.

The words and actions of others, and the way they treat us, will let us down.

At age 9, Oprah Winfrey began suffering what would be years of physical and sexual abuse by male family members. She turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with the bad things happening to her and eventually ran away from home.

But at age 16, she decided that those family members would not determine her future. She focused on school, earned a full scholarship to Tennessee State University, and well…you know the rest!

No one else has a personal stake in your well-being or success like you do. Leaving your well-being up to other people’s behaviour will never end as well as taking full responsibility of it yourself.

How we react determines our happiness and future.

If our circumstances and other people’s behaviour don’t determine our future, that leaves…us.

We all know this deep down but man, it is hard to take personal accountability for our own lives. It’s much easier to play the blame game than to play an active role in taking charge of your life, especially if/when the unfair things that happen to you feel like a personal attack.

But the truth is that you are the only person who can take full responsibility for your life, which means you’re also the only person who can determine your personal success and happiness.

A victim mentality might make you feel better in the present moment, but will lower your quality of life in the long run. Living your best life demands that you snap out of victim mode and take charge of your own actions.

How to Take Responsibility

The time we spend playing the blame game would be much better put to use working our way out of those circumstances. But how do we start the challenging journey of taking responsibility for our lives?

We can tell ourselves we’re going to take personal responsibility until we’re blue in the face. But if we don’t play an active role in planning specific actions, it’s just not gonna happen.

So what are some specific actions that we can take?

First, take control of your surroundings as much as you can.

Is there a place you visit often that usually encourages a bad habit? Stay away from that place if you’re able.

Is there someone in your life who’s abusive toward you? Or maybe a bad influence? Cut them out of your life if it’s possible and makes sense.

Can’t cut them out? (Life-long family friends and family members come to mind.) Try to minimize your interactions with them.

You can’t control all of your surroundings, but control as many as you can. When you take full responsibility for your surroundings, the possibility of negative circumstances should go down at least a little bit, and maybe a lot!

Second, when unfair things happen, learn from them.

Consider what you might have done differently to result in a better outcome or what you’ll do if/when it happens again. What lesson can you take from that experience?

When I filed taxes one year to find I owed the IRS over $2000, I felt physically sick to my stomach.

I wanted badly to shift into victim mode but the only person I could find to be angry with was myself! I had been naive and hadn’t considered how my taxable income would change as I combined incomes with my new spouse, or how I would need to adjust.

I learned a lot that year about tax brackets and W-4 withholdings and I changed my actions to avoid that situation in the future. If you can’t avoid the bad, you might as well learn from it and use that newfound wisdom to become a better person (and keep that situation from happening again) in the long run.

Third, recognize your limitations and determine your priorities.

Are you facing divorce, a dysfunctional family, chronic illness, an unhealthy lifestyle, and anxiety, all at the same time? Most people aren’t capable of tackling so many challenges all at once. (You’re just one human being, after all!)

I’ve personally found that when I spread myself too thin over too many goals, I don’t do well at any of them. So I recognize my limitations and then decide what’s most important to me.

If several goals are tied for “most important,” I consider which will give me the biggest bang for my buck.

For example, taking personal accountability for cleaning up my diet will help me lose weight, save me money on junk food and doctors visits, and give me the energy I need as a parent, the mental clarity I need as an employee, and more. That’s one big goal that will cause a lot of smaller ripples when you consider the bigger picture, so I might start there.

Fourth, instead of complaining about and staying in a bad present moment, set goals.

When I was facing life after divorce, I realized that after the initial shock and stages of grief, continuing to cry about my situation every day wasn’t accomplishing anything. In fact, it was ensuring that I stayed in a depressing, hopeless present moment.

By playing an active role in focusing on the future, and on my goals, I was able to move forward and into a better place…to even become a better person for it!

And finally, don’t just think about your goals. Actively work toward them.

I set amazing goals all the time – plan more date nights, spend more time in prayer and reading the Bible, work out more often. But unless I plan specific actions that will play an active role in reaching those goals, chances are good I’ll never get there.

Write your goals down and put them somewhere you’ll see them often. Break them into smaller actions that you can tackle one day, one week, or one month at a time.

By taking personal accountability for your future in this way, you’ll find you’ll slowly but surely take more control of your life. (Download this free goal setting workbook if you could use a little help!)

You, Yes You, Can Take Responsibility For Your Life

I’ve seen some people in the worst situations imaginable so full of life and joy that I’m left dumbfounded. I’ve also seen people blessed beyond measure who are absolutely miserable and convinced their lives are cursed. The blame game is strong in them!

It really is your reaction to your circumstances and the people around you that determines your happiness and future. So take control of your surroundings, learn from the bad times, recognize your limitations, and determine your priorities. Set goals and actually work toward them.

Dr. Robert Anthony said something that really struck me. “When you blame others, you give up your power to change”.

Friend, don’t give up your power, and your absolute right, to determine how your story ends. Take control of your life and make it a good one.

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