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11 Tips For Living With Someone With Depression and Anxiety

Are you living with someone with depression and anxiety? Maybe your roommate, parent, spouse, or another family member?

If so, you may have experienced more closeness with them as you openly discuss and navigate these diagnoses together. But you might also have experienced exhaustion, frustration, and even resentment as you try to find that sweet spot where both of your needs can be met.

I’m not going to lie to you – living with someone with depression and anxiety can be really challenging. But it’s far from impossible!

Here are the crucial ways you can ensure you both receive the support you need.

Understanding Depression and Anxiety

Recognizing the signs and understanding the daily challenges are essential in supporting someone with depression and anxiety. Your empathy and comprehension can make a big difference.

Identifying the Symptoms

Clinical Depression: You may notice a persistently low mood in your loved one, characterized by sadness and a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed. Other depression symptoms include:

  • Changes in appetite or weight
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Fatigue or loss of energy
  • Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
  • Difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
  • Recurrent suicidal thoughts or death ideation

Anxiety Disorder: In contrast to clinical depression, symptoms of anxiety disorder can manifest as an overwhelming feeling of worry, nervousness, or fear that is disproportionate to the actual situation. Key anxiety symptoms include:

  • Restlessness or feeling on edge
  • Being easily fatigued
  • Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
  • Irritability
  • Muscle tension
  • Sleep disturbances (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless, unsatisfying sleep)

The Impact on Everyday Life

Living with depression and anxiety disorder can turn routine tasks into daunting challenges. You might witness:

  • Avoidance of social situations due to feelings of depressed mood or fear of panic attacks.
  • Struggles with maintaining a daily routine, including work, school, or personal care.
  • Increased irritability or frustration in everyday interactions, which may stem from the sheer effort of coping with these conditions.

Remember, every individual may experience symptoms differently, and the intensity can vary from day to day. Your support and patience are valuable for their journey toward better mental health.

Treatment Options for Clinical Depression and Anxiety

For those with clinical depression and anxiety, there are several treatment options available, often used in combination for the best outcomes:

  1. Talk Therapy: Talk therapy like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy (IPT), and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can help manage the symptoms of depression and anxiety disorder by changing negative thoughts and thought patterns and improving coping strategies.
  2. Antidepressant Medications: Antidepressant medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), are commonly prescribed to treat both depression and anxiety disorder.
  3. Lifestyle Changes: Regular exercise, a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and stress management techniques can support mental health and are often recommended in conjunction with other treatment options.
  4. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices like meditation, yoga, or progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.
  5. Support Group: Sharing experiences and strategies with others facing similar challenges in a support group can provide social support and additional coping mechanisms.
  6. Brain Stimulation Therapies: For treatment-resistant depression, options like electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS), or vagus nerve stimulation (VNS) might prove to be more effective treatments.
  7. Alternative Medicine: Some individuals may explore acupuncture, supplements, or herbs; however, it’s essential to consult with a health care provider before starting any alternative treatment options to ensure they’re safe and potentially effective treatments.

It’s important for individuals to work closely with mental health professional to determine the most appropriate treatment plan for their specific needs. For more detailed information on treatment options for depression and anxiety disorder, the resources provided by UpToDate and WebMD are both helpful and updated regularly.

Tips For Living With Someone With Depression and Anxiety

Help them locate appropriate resources.

We all know that most health issues don’t resolve themselves.

While miraculous healings do occasionally occur, most people have to work with a doctor, mental health professionals, support group, or other professional help in order to recover. That makes the first step toward recovery…scheduling an appointment.

The problem is that the symptoms of depression can drain a depressed person of any energy or motivation they might have otherwise had to track down a doctor with 5-star reviews, mental health professionals who offers virtual visits, or an online support group. And the symptoms of anxiety disorder can cripple someone with the fear of what a doctor might find to the point they don’t make an appointment at all.

This is where you can be a huge help!

It’s best to come alongside your friend or family member to assist in the search for professional help, since they’ll be more invested in a health care provider they find for themselves. But you can also take the reins to provide them with the contact info of a few different options should their anxiety otherwise inhibit them.

Want to take your support to the next level? Offer to join them at the appointment!

Accept that whether or not they utilize those resources is up to them.

This is the point where you can either become incredibly frustrated and even angry, or you can remind yourself that you can only control your own actions.

Many people experiencing the symptoms of depression and anxiety have already seen several different doctors and counselors with no lasting success.

They often convince themselves that they’ve already tried professional help, it doesn’t work, and it isn’t worth their further effort. And frankly, that’s their decision to make.

A depressed person may feel too tired or lethargic to leave the house for an appointment. Someone experiencing symptoms of anxiety might feel too anxious to actually go through with a virtual visit when the appointment time arrives.

That’s also out of your hands.

You can be by their side to support them, but unless you can physically pick them up, throw them in your car, and force them through the door of a doctor’s office, whether or not they use those professional help resources is ultimately their responsibility.

Remember that it’s not up to you to resolve their depression or anxiety, even if they tell you it is.

This brings me to my next point! Many people struggling with the symptoms of depression and anxiety feel the situation is beyond their control.

And because they feel helpless, they may tell you that it’s up to you as their friend, spouse, or child, to carry them through. But friend, that’s simply not true.

Think of it this way: Your friend is desperate to lose weight.

You can provide them with a step-by-step workout plan. You can even show up at their bedside at 5:00 am screaming like a drill sergeant.

But you can’t actually make them get up and work out.

You could meal prep a million meals for them, fill their fridge to the top. But short of standing guard over them 24/7, you can’t stop them from binge eating an entire pizza when you leave the house.

You can support them emotionally, you can hear them out when they want and need to talk about it, you can even provide some practical resources, like a psychologist’s name and phone number. But you’re not responsible for ensuring that they take the necessary actions to improve their situation.

Set healthy boundaries.

It took me a long time (over 30 years, to be exact!) to realize that boundaries are not selfish or unloving. They’re practical and wise.

Decide what you can give, then set boundaries there. Write it down if necessary. Then when each new situation arrives, you’ll already know where you stand.

For example, you might tell your loved one with anxiety that you’ll understand if their panic attacks keep them from attending family gatherings, but that you’ll still plan on attending yourself. Or maybe you’ll tell your loved one experiencing symptoms of depression that you’ll hear them out when they need to vent, but that you’ll be switching topics after 30 minutes or an hour.

If you don’t know your boundary ahead of time, you’ll find yourself giving more and more than you actually have to give in the moment. Need help setting boundaries? Get it here!

Offer options.

You may feel bad if/when your loved one doesn’t get exactly what they want, especially if they give you a tough time about it. This is where offering options can make both of you feel better.

Let’s go back to the example of attending events without them when they don’t feel up to it. Say you want to log time with your best friend, but your roommate doesn’t want to be left alone with her anxiety.

You could say, “I need some social time away from the house. You’re more than welcome to join us or you could invite your own company over while I’m gone.”

While your roommate might not love either option, offering options can give her some sense of choice and control in a situation where she doesn’t feel she has any. And it can help to remind you that your roommate does have options and that it’s up to her to make those choices.

Remember that it takes a village.

Can I tell you a secret? You are not capable of being someone’s everything. You don’t have enough time or resources to be someone’s only friend, family member, and caretaker in the whole world.

Human beings were created to live in community. We were meant to spend time with family and fall back on the support of a group of friends, not expecting one person to carry the entire load of our social support.

It’s very possible your loved ones’ needs are too great for them to carry with your assistance alone. If that’s the case, it’s probably time for them to enlist the help of a doctor, counselor, professional help, and/or additional friends and family members. Many hands make light(er) work.

Remember that your needs are just as important as theirs.

When you’re living with someone with depression and anxiety, it’s easy to believe their needs are much higher priority than your own.

After all, they’re dealing with so much right now! Is it really that important that you catch a few hours for yourself when they’re experiencing several panic attacks a day?!

Yes. Heck yes.

Your basic human needs, including sound physical, mental, and emotional health, are not related to theirs. That means that just because their needs have increased, doesn’t mean that your needs have decreased or become less important.

The fact is that they might tell you differently. They might tell you to gain some perspective and empathy, that you don’t struggle with the symptoms of depression and anxiety that they do.

But the fact is they’re wrong. And frankly, you’ll run out of the personal resources you need to help them if you’re not taking care of your own needs in the meantime.

(Check out this post if you could use a little help learning how to make yourself a priority!)

Make time for yourself.

Now that you understand the importance of meeting your own needs, make them a priority. Similar to boundaries, if you don’t plan and set regular time aside for yourself in advance, chances are good you’ll find yourself giving more than you actually have to give in the moment.

A spur-of-the-moment hike is easier to skip than a hike you’ve been planning for days. And not planning ahead of time to meet your friend for coffee? You’re leaving time on the table that’s up for grabs for anyone.

By being a little more mindful of scheduling regular time to fill your cup, you can maintain more control over your time and energy, rather than allowing everyone else to decide what you have to give them.

Treat yourself like the caregiver you are.

Now granted, there are caregivers out there lifting their loved ones in and out of wheelchairs, monitoring IVs, and more. Those people are heroes, no doubt about it!

But the Oxford definition of caregiver is “a family member or paid helper who regularly looks after a child or a sick, elderly, or disabled person.” Depending on how much help you’re providing, that might make you a caregiver as well!

With that in mind, treat yourself like a caregiver. Make regular time for yourself to avoid burnout.

Research caregiver resources. Connect with a caregiver support group and other professional help either in-person or online.

You’re likely doing much more than you give yourself credit for. Be sure to recognize that and act accordingly.

11 Tips For Living With Someone With Depression and Anxiety

Coping as a Family Member

Living with a family member who has clinical depression or anxiety can be challenging. It requires understanding and adapting your approach to provide support while caring for your own well-being.

Managing Expectations

When you have a family member facing mental health difficulties, it’s crucial to manage your expectations realistically.

There will be good days and bad days, and the first step in managing your expectations is understanding that progress is not linear. Recognize that different people recover at their own pace, and what may seem like a small step forward is actually a significant victory for someone struggling with anxiety or depression.

  • Expect a hard time but learn to appreciate the good things that occur.
  • Prepare for setbacks, knowing that they are a normal part of the journey.

Navigating Tough Times Together

Navigating through tough times together strengthens family bonds and provides much-needed support for your loved one.

  • On a bad day, offer a listening ear without judgment or pressure to “cheer up.”
  • Use positive reinforcement to encourage your family member during a tough time, emphasizing their strengths and the progress they’ve made.

Your presence and understanding can make a substantial difference to a family member experiencing the symptoms of depression and anxiety. Remember to take care of yourself as well, as your well-being is just as important in being a stable support system.

It can feel very challenging living with someone with depression and anxiety, whether a friend or family member. But by helping however you can, understanding their responsibilities, and setting healthy boundaries, you can help to avoid burnout and resentment.

And by enlisting the help of others and caring for yourself first, you can ensure your needs are met as well. You’ve got this, friend!

A Practical Guide to Stress | 17 Tricks to Take Control of Stress Today

P.S. Are you living with someone with depression and anxiety? Be sure to download our free stress management workbook HERE!

Frequently Asked Questions

Navigating life with a partner facing depression and anxiety can be complex. These FAQs aim to provide you with direct guidance and support specific to your situation.

What are effective ways to support a partner dealing with depression and anxiety?

Understanding and patience are fundamental when supporting your partner. Small actions like listening without judgment or encouragement to engage in activities they enjoy can be significant forms of support.

How can I encourage my family member with severe depression and anxiety to engage in social activities?

Encouraging a family member with severe depression and anxiety to engage in social activities requires patience, understanding, and a supportive approach. Here are some strategies that might help:

  1. Start Small: Suggest low-pressure, short-duration activities that don’t require much preparation or social interaction, such as a walk in the park or a coffee date.
  2. Be Understanding: Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them that it’s okay to feel anxious or depressed about socializing. Validate their emotions and let them know you’re there to support them.
  3. Plan Together: Involve them in the planning process so they can have a say in what social activities to do, which can make the event less intimidating.
  4. Create a Comfortable Environment: Choose familiar and comfortable settings for social activities, especially at the beginning.
  5. Offer Reassurance: Let them know they can leave social activities at any time if they start to feel overwhelmed.
  6. Bring a Friend: Sometimes having a trusted friend or family member join can provide a buffer and make the experience less daunting.
  7. Focus on Interests: Encourage social activities that align with their interests or hobbies, which can provide a natural motivation and topic of conversation.
  8. Celebrate Small Victories: Recognize and praise their efforts, no matter how small, to help build confidence and reinforce positive experiences.
  9. Professional Help: A therapist can provide strategies to manage social anxiety and may suggest support group therapy as a way to gradually increase social interaction in a safe environment.
  10. Consistency: Regularly engaging in social activities can help build a routine and make socializing feel more manageable over time.

Remember, it’s important to be patient and not force social interactions, as this could increase anxiety.

How can I communicate effectively with a loved one experiencing anxiety and depression?

Focus on creating a safe space for open dialogue.

Prompt them to share their feelings if they feel comfortable, and ensure that you actively listen to understand, not just to respond. Acknowledge their struggles and avoid dismissing or challenging their feelings.

What should I do if a family member with depression symptoms says they’re having suicidal thoughts?

If a family member with depression symptoms expresses suicidal thoughts, it’s crucial to take their words seriously and act promptly. Here are some steps you can take:

  1. Talk with them: Engage in a sensitive and direct conversation. Listen to them without judgment and ask about their feelings. Ensure they feel seen and heard, and avoid dismissing their emotions.
  2. Encourage professional help: Urge them to seek assistance from a mental health professional. This could involve contacting a suicide hotline, scheduling an appointment with a therapist, or visiting a hospital if the risk seems imminent.
  3. Stay with them: If you believe they are in immediate danger, do not leave them alone. Remove any means that could be used for self-harm if possible.
  4. Support their treatment: Help them find treatment options and offer to assist with practical tasks like setting up appointments or transportation.
  5. Learn about the risk of suicide: Educate yourself on the warning signs and risk factors for suicide to better understand their situation and how you can help.

For more detailed guidance and support, please refer to the resources provided by the Mayo Clinic on what to do if someone is having suicidal thoughts.

How can I encourage my partner to seek help for their depression and anxiety without causing conflict?

Approach the subject with sensitivity and empathy.

Express your concerns in a non-confrontational way and emphasize the notion of teamwork in tackling the issue together. Encourage them to consider various forms of help, reassuring them that seeking professional care can be highly beneficial.

How can I encourage my pharmaceutical-resistant family member to start antidepressant medications?

Encouraging a pharmaceutical-resistant family member to consider antidepressant medications can be challenging, but here are some strategies that might help:

  1. Educate: Share accurate information about how antidepressant medications work and the benefits they can offer. Dispelling myths and addressing misconceptions can help reduce resistance to medication.
  2. Empathy: Show understanding and compassion for their concerns about medication. Acknowledge their fears and reservations without minimizing them.
  3. Professional Guidance: Encourage them to discuss their concerns with a healthcare professional who can provide personalized advice. A doctor can address their fears with medical expertise.
  4. Success Stories: Sometimes hearing about positive experiences with antidepressant medications from others who have been in a similar situation can help.
  5. Gradual Approach: Suggest starting with a low dose and monitoring how they feel, with the understanding that they can stop if it’s not right for them, under medical supervision.
  6. Support: Offer to accompany them to appointments for moral support and to help them communicate their concerns to the doctor.
  7. Alternatives: Discuss alternative treatments that can complement or substitute for antidepressant medications, such as therapy, lifestyle changes, or other non-pharmacological interventions.
  8. Patience: Recognize that deciding to start antidepressant medications can be a significant decision for them, and it may take time for them to feel comfortable with the idea.

Could my own emotional health be affected by my partner’s depression and anxiety?

Yes, it’s definitely possible. Living with someone with depression and anxiety can be emotionally taxing.

You may notice changes in your own mood and stress levels. It’s essential to monitor your own well-being and seek support if needed.

What self-care strategies are important when you live with someone who suffers from depression and anxiety?

Maintain your own physical and emotional health through regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and a balanced diet.

Additionally, engage in activities that destress you and bring you joy. Seeking coping tips for self-care can be instrumental in managing your well-being.

What boundaries should I set to ensure I’m not overwhelmed by my partner’s anxiety and depression?

It’s important to establish boundaries that help you maintain your own mental health.

Be clear about how much support you can offer while also carving out time for your own needs and hobbies. Communication about limits gently and proactively can help maintain these vital boundaries.

What’s the difference between clinical depression and major depressive disorder?

Clinical depression and major depressive disorder (MDD) are terms often used interchangeably to describe the same condition. This condition is a mood disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, loss of interest in activities, and various emotional and physical problems that can significantly impair daily functioning.

Both terms refer to a serious form of major depression that goes beyond the normal fluctuations in mood and the occasional feeling of being down that people commonly experience.

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