Inside a Depressed Person’s Mind | The Best Description You’ll Ever Read
What is depression? It can be difficult to explain if you’re in the middle of a depressive episode.
It can also be difficult to understand if your loved one is fighting it, but you’ve never experienced it yourself.
What is depression? What does it feel like?
Depression is, by definition, a mental health disorder. The root of the issue lies in our minds and the way our brains process the world around us.
I stumbled upon an incredible description of the depressed mind on GoodTherapy.org. Marriage and Family Therapist Cynthia Lubow was kind enough to allow me to share it with you. So what is depression?
"While not everyone’s experience is the same, when people have a major depressive episode, generally the world looks, feels, and is understood completely differently than before and after the episode.
"During a major depressive episode, the world can literally seem like a dark place. What was beautiful may look ugly, flat, or even sinister.
"The depressed person may believe loved ones, even their own children, are better off without them. Nothing seems comforting, pleasurable, or worth living for.
"There’s no apparent hope for things ever feeling better, and history is rewritten and experienced as confirmation that everything has always been miserable, and always will be.
"When this reality shift happens, it’s difficult to remember or believe what seemed normal before the episode. What the person believes during the episode seems absolutely real, and anything that conflicts with it is as unbelievable as a memory or message telling him or her that the sky is purple.
"For example, if the person is unable to feel love for a spouse, and someone reminds the person that he or she used to feel that love, the person may firmly believe he or she had been pretending to himself/herself and others—though at the time he or she really felt it.
"The person can’t remember feeling the love, and can’t feel it during the episode, and thus concludes he or she never felt it.
"The same process happens with happiness and pleasure. Attempts to tell the person that he or she used to be happy, and will feel happy again, can cause the person to feel more misunderstood and isolated because he or she is convinced it’s not true.
"Even if nothing was wrong before the episode, everything seems wrong when it descends. Suddenly, no one seems loving or lovable.
"Everything is irritating. Work is boring and unbearable. Any activity takes many times more effort, as if every movement requires displacing quicksand to make it.
"What was challenging feels overwhelming; what was sad feels unbearable; what felt joyful feels pleasureless—or, at best, a fleeting drop of pleasure in an ocean of pain.
"Major depression feels like intense pain that can’t be identified in any particular part of the body. The most (normally) pleasant and comforting touch can feel painful to the point of tears.
"People seem far away—on the other side of a glass bubble. No one seems to understand or care, and people seem insincere.
"Depression is utterly isolating. There is terrible shame about the actions depression dictates, such as not accomplishing anything or snapping at people.
"Everything seems meaningless, including previous accomplishments and what had given life meaning. Anything that had given the person a sense of value or self-esteem vanishes.
"These assets or accomplishments no longer matter, no longer seem genuine, or are overshadowed by negative self-images.
"Anything that ever caused the person to feel shame, guilt, or regret grows to take up most of his or her psychic space. That and being in this state causes the person to feel irredeemably unlovable, and sure everyone has abandoned or will abandon him or her.
"It’s difficult to describe all of this in a way that someone who’s never experienced it can make sense of it. I can’t emphasize enough that when this happens, what I am describing is absolutely the depressed person’s reality.
"When people try to get the person to look on the bright side, be grateful, change his or her thoughts, or meditate, or they minimize or try to disprove the person’s reality, they are very unlikely to succeed. Instead, they and the depressed person are likely to feel frustrated and alienated from one another."
How can we work toward healing?
So how can we climb out of this mindset? When the darkness feels like reality, how can we begin to sincerely believe in and experience happiness again?
Counseling
Counseling serves to help us work through our thoughts, recognize the untruths in our mindset, and establish a plan for change. You can seek counseling from a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist.
If you’re having difficulty deciding which type of professional to see, consider meeting with your primary care doctor to ask for a recommendation. If your primary doctor is unavailable, your insurance company can often direct you if you call the customer service number on the back of your card.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services also offers a treatment referral helpline. Here, you can speak to a live person to get general information on mental health and locate treatment services in your area.
Support Groups
Many facing depression have found group therapy or support groups to be effective for alleviating the symptoms of isolation and loneliness that are common in depression.
It’s helpful for many to realize that they’re not alone and that many people, in all different walks of life, are facing the same darkness. Oftentimes, progress comes easier if we’re partnering with others in a similar situation.
Medication
Many people are apprehensive about starting antidepressant medication. They don’t want to have to take a pill for the rest of their life to be happy.
But the truth is that few people take an antidepressant indefinitely. The medications help to balance your neurotransmitters, the chemicals in your brain that affect mood and emotions.
Their purpose is to “jump-start” your mood and give you the boost you need to fight back against symptoms of depression. Most people only take antidepressants for six to nine months, though some take them longer.
Natural Remedies
There are a lot of simple actions we can take that will naturally combat depression. For example, exercising boosts our endorphins (or feel-good chemicals), improves our mood, and relieves stress.
Adding foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids and folic acid to your diet may help to relieve symptoms. You can find these and eight more natural depression remedies here.
What is depression? Depression can make our minds feel dark, lonely, and hopeless, but there are several ways to combat that darkness.
Counseling, support groups, medication, and natural remedies each offer a unique approach to healing. You may try one or several before finding the treatment best suited to your needs.
But whatever you do, do something. Despite your current reality, the truth is that you don’t have to stay in this place forever.
How can I be so sure? Because I know from experience. And I have family and friends who also know from experience.
So take the first step, whether or not you think it will help. You might just be surprised.
P.S. Looking for more info on depression? Then check out the rest of our series:
You Could Be Living With Depression and Not Even Know It
What Does God Say About Depression? 8 Biblical Truths Crucial to Recovery
Don't Shut Out the World | Why Your Friends May Be the Cure to Depression
How to Help Someone With Depression - 5 Meaningful Ways to Support Them
Prefer to receive our 5-day series on depression via email? We'll send you one post a day! Grab it here!
*DebPreston.com is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on DebTakesHerLifeBack.com.
*Updated April 12, 2021.
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This is a very good explanation. And the truth is that someone who didn't went through it can't know how it feels, and sometimes people try to help but make you feel even worse. When someone told me to focus on good, I felt even worse cause I couldn't and that was frustrating, but you can't explain to them that it's not that you don't want to, it's that you really can't. Also I was feeling ungrateful cause all around me was actually going well, my kids are helty, etc. and I just can't feel happy about it. Thank you for writing this, and I hope that many people will read it and understand that there are some things that you shouldn't say to depressed person.
Thanks so much for sharing, Ivana! And it's so true, when I first struggled with depression, I had just gotten married, we had bought our first house, I had a fantastic job. My husband felt almost hurt that I would feel depressed, but it had absolutely nothing to do with my life or circumstances. It's so important for others to attempt to understand what it's like!
@Ivana, this. I feel so guilty, I feel like a horrible mother bc I just can't feel happy about anything right now, not that I don't love them but bc everything feels hopeless and different inside me now
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, Elizabeth! Maybe it would help to read your children this description of what you're going through. (I'm not sure how old they are.) I had a close family member battle severe depression and she was incredibly honest about what she was going through, what it felt like, what she wished she could do but just couldn't. It helped me to understand a bit better when she didn't seem happy for me about things I had experienced or accomplished during that time. I'll be including you and your family in my prayers, friend! ❤️
I've been struggling with depression and anxiety my whole life and I have gotten a few different diagnosis and at times I was on 15 different meds. This is frustrating and I have a problem with medicating myself with any kind of drugs I come across and it's become a problem in my life, and my family and friends have been affected. I need some advice...help!
Hey there, Jennifer! I'm so, so sorry to hear that! I'm very far from a medical professional, but I would encourage you to keep pushing for the right answer for you. My husband has gone through a similar experience, seeing loads of doctors with none of them seeming to provide lasting solutions. Sometimes it takes a while to find a doctor who you really connect with and who understands your individual needs. I would also recommend talking with a counselor or psychologist. I've personally overcome so much through counseling. Sending love and prayers your way!
I suffer with it everyday .A loveless marriage after thirty years ,a husband who wants to live his life ,well what about me ?? Pills ??? Does it help ?? Medicare does not pay for a therapist ..,No money ,no where to go ,at 71 ?? Tell me the answer .
Oh Nicole, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through! Though I of course am not a professional, I would suggest scheduling an appointment with your doctor to discuss your situation. He/she might know which options are covered by Medicare or even know of free or discounted therapy available in your area. When I was going through a divorce years ago (and had to leave my job because of it), my best resource was my local church. They offered free counseling as well as "small groups" where I could connect weekly with others my age and in similar stages of life. I'm praying for you, friend!
This is it. This is how I feel and I'm so tired of it. I've been struggling my whole life with it. I can remember it from my early childhood. I'm 58 years old now and I'm sick of it. It has hampered my life in so many ways and I've lost so much precious time to this disease. I've tried everything and continue to try things. I've been on antidepressant after antidepressant since I was 22 years old. (Some of them worked well for a while but then the depression would eventually creep back in and I'd end up in the hospital again with suicidal thoughts and the familiar emptiness and self-loathing/hatred.) I've been in therapy since I was 19. I've talked, talked, and talked. I've been doing "the work" for years and years. And after all these years, I still have it. I now know where it comes from and why I have it, but it doesn't change it. (I'm an incest survivor. Sometimes, I wish my father would have just killed me instead of molesting me at the age of 5.) I'm tired of hearing from my doctors that things will get better; that I'm doing everything right and I'm working so hard. I resent hearing it. It make me so angry. They have no idea what goes on in my head. They don't know what it feels like. I'm tired of them. I'm just tired. I look forward to death. It seems like the only thing that will give me permanent relief. I keep on going though. I keep some hope and I'm not sure why. Depression is a cruel disease. It robs you of your life and your dreams. Although, I don't wish this disease on anybody, I do wish others could feel it for a moment so they could understand it and how it makes you feel. Thanks for listening and for writing this explanation of depression. It's spot-on.
Oh, Michelle, I'm so very sorry that you're dealing with all of this, and for so long! I, unfortunately, know several people in a similar place and feel at a complete loss as to how to help them.
Please know that you are important...that your life is important. While I don't pretend to know why you've had to wrestle with this disease for so long, I do know that you bring something to this world that no one else does or ever has. Depression is a liar. I have family members who are so deeply loved by their family and friends, yet believe they're alone...that no one truly cares about them or would miss them if they died. As someone who loves them, I can tell you that's not true at all! But their minds cause them to believe it. Please believe those who tell you that they love you and need you.
I'm praying for you, for relief from depression, for healing from the awful things that have happened to you, for mental and emotional and spiritual freedom and peace. ❤️
@Michelle, I understand how you feel. I understand what you mean when you say that you wish people could feel what you feel just for a minute so they could understand how you feel bc reading your message brought me relief. I’ve struggled since I was young and I’m also tired. I’m in a Bible study program now and sometimes it helps other times it doesn’t. I keep trying but I’m also tired. Part of me dreams of having a family. That dream kept me going for a long time but I’m almost 38 years old and none of my relationships have made it to the alter. I feel depleted, and like I have nothing to give to anyone anyway. The next thing I want to try is microdosing on ketamine (Joyous). It’s my last hope. There’s also TMS but for me it would be a challenge with my work schedule and a big expense since my insurance doesn’t cover it. I know some insurance companies and programs do. I hope my message brought you some relief. Sometimes it’s nice to share in the misery with someone.
Great article ❤️❤️
Thanks so much, Cheryl!
@Deb,
This article expresses depression extremely well. I have battled depression for almost 30 years. I'm finally on a meditation cocktail that works. It took 20 years to find that. I remember believing that everyone would be better off without me. It was an overwhelming reality at that time. If you are suffering with depression, have your family or friends read this description. It will help them understand some of your struggles. My son had had depression for the last 10 years and has been suicidal multiple times. I'm grateful that I have experienced depression so that I can be a better help for him. For anyone depressed reading this article, please don't give up. Tell yourself you can keep going for one more day, one more hour, just keep going. I wish you success wherever you are in your journey. Thank you for posting this article.
Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words, Caira! So many people need them! ❤️❤️
Thank you soooo much for this article....I kno I'm depressed but you described it to an ABSOLUTE TEE! This article will be passed on to my bf and my son the two people who I always seem to take out my frustrations on repeatedly....there's so much more I could say but this helped me so much ....I have taken the first step to climb out of this deep dark hole that I'm in and have an appointment with my counselor next week! I am so looking forward to feeling the happiness that I KNOW I've felt once before!! Thank you again!
I'm so thrilled to hear that, Kawoni! It is haaaaard to start the long climb out of depression (I know from personal experience), but both communicating with your family and working with a counselor are going to be incredibly helpful to your journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you! ❤️
This could've been my life for the past 25 years. Was like reading my life story. Thank you for writing this so I can give to my family and friends.
I'm so sorry you've had to live in this state for so very long! 💔 I do think most people have no idea how it is unless they've lived through it themselves...I'm praying your family and friends can better understand and support you with this explanation!!
I believe it’s so much worse than that. I slept all day, got up for a couple hours , then slept some more. Then slept all night. Never wanted to leave the house. Did absolutely only what i had to do. No showering, wearing the same clothes for a week maybe longer. Getting up was a major accomplishment. I could hardly function in a normal world. I had a couple really stupid tv shows that were like comfort food to me. Like Dog the Bounty Hunter. I have no clue why. Trying different psyche meds every month , nothing helped. And praying to God every day & night. After 6 years of vegetation, i finally started coming slowly out of it. I have no idea why. But my bets on God. Thank God.
Oof, I'm SO thankful you were able to find your way out of that. I have a few family members in that exact position and I know how hard it is for them to believe there's a light at the end of the tunnel when they feel like that day in and day out. Thank God for your way out! 🙏❤️
Highly misleading, totally undocumented description of what the depression "feels" like. From the moment I read that you used the verb "to feel" I knew that it was going to be wrong, but I kept reading waiting for the I-am-wrong-moment and I shouldn't have prejudged.
Depression is precisely the lack of feeling. It does not feel sad, or dark, or whatever adjective you may choose, positive or (unfortunately more often than not) negative. It's the fact that, when depressed, we see the world as it is, without any connotation whatsoever. A shot in the head looks exactly as good an option as a night or sex with a supermodel. We are unable to take decisions because nothing stands out. Only metrics help us. A depressed person will not tell the difference in how much he or she like a given shirt/car/holiday place, so it will take the cheapest, because money is something that can be measured.
I could go on (a lot), but I think you get the picture.
Hi Martin, thanks so much for sharing your experience! I can understand and agree with that feeling reflecting back on my own experience with depression. I had many periods of no feeling at all, and many with a deep sadness and heaviness. I suppose every person's experience is different. Thank you for helping to ensure balanced representation! ❤️