How to Love Your Neighbor When They Don’t Make It Easy

Sometimes It’s Challenging to Love Your Neighbor

Love thy neighbour.

The Bible says it word-for-word nine times, and in different words many more times in both the Old Testament and the New Testament, with Jesus Christ Himself calling it the second greatest commandment.

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first commandment and the greatest commandment. And the second greatest commandment is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The whole Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:34-40

And who could forget Galatians 5:14? “For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”

You’d be hard-pressed to convince anyone that “love thy neighbour” is not a direct command for Christians.

But… what about the neighbor who said hurtful things about you?

And what about the neighbor who cut you off in traffic? Or doesn’t share your work ethic?

What about the neighbor with vastly different political views, who loves to push your buttons?!

If we’re honest, some neighbors are just plain hard to love.

Yet…love thy neighbour. The command still stands. So how can you love your neighbor when they’re not acting very lovable?

To be honest with you, I’ve studied, worked, volunteered, and even lived with a few tough cases. Here’s what I’ve learned works best when…well…humans are human.

How to Love Your Neighbor When They Don’t Love You Back

First of all, consider how God views them.

Let’s start with the most impactful truth – Jesus Christ died for that person.

He came to Earth to take their sin upon Himself on the cross, in order to make reconciliation possible. The Lord is patient with every human being (They’re made in the image of God, after all!), “not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

So before you shout obscenities at the person who cut you off in traffic, or before you dwell on how much you dislike someone, consider that they are a child of God. If Jesus Christ saw fit to die for them, who are we to view them differently?

Don’t lose sight of their strengths in the thick of their weaknesses.

There’s a joke that says when you don’t like someone, everything they do is offensive. “Look at her, eating those crackers like she owns the place!”

Our faith aside, that’s not a healthy way to live, focusing on the negative. But especially as Christians, we’re called to higher living and higher thinking.

Philippians 4:8 (ESV) advises us, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Is there any excellence to be found in your next-door neighbor? Is there anything worthy of praise in that obnoxious family member?

The love of Christ calls us to focus on and think about those things.

Consider what they may be going through.

Maybe they just lost someone they loved. Maybe they’re stressed about money, or their child is being bullied at school, or their marriage is on the rocks.

These certainly aren’t legitimate excuses to treat others poorly, but do we always act our Sunday best when we’re in the middle of a trial? A little understanding and grace can go a looooong way in connecting with and loving others.

And who knows? You might be the only person that shows them grace during this time. Your life and actions might just bring them to Christ.

Remember how much you’ve been forgiven.

You guys. I’m embarrassed to think about some of the things I’ve said and done in the past.

That’s not just my far-away past, but even just a few days ago. Thank goodness for forgiving friends and family members, fuzzy memories, and the mercy and love of God.

The Lord has not only pardoned our sins and shortcomings, but he has also commanded us to do the same for others…and there’s a whole load of Scripture, especially in the New Testament, to back that up!

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Matthew 6:12

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Matthew 18:21-35

(Is your neighbor less than sorry for their actions? Be sure to check out How to Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Sorry.)

Pray for the Holy Spirit to change your heart.

In the Old Testament, the Lord promises his people, “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26, NIV).

So pray that the Holy Spirit would change your heart, removing any bitterness or unforgiveness you may hold against that person. Ask Him to allow you to see them through His eyes, to think His thoughts and feel His heart toward them not just once, but on a regular basis.

Pray for your unlovable neighbor.

It is really hard to dislike someone if you’re consistently praying for them. I know from experience!

Years ago, a well-intended friend was beginning to interfere in my marriage.

She meant well but was stepping far past the appropriate boundaries. I remember just seething over the whole thing for several hours every day.

Until one day, I felt prompted by God to pray for her, adding her to my regular morning prayers. And not to pray that she would butt out, although that’s what I wanted, but to pray for her marriage, for her family, for her job and friendships and personal fulfillment and relationship with Jesus Christ.

For the first several days, my prayers felt extremely insincere. Probably because they were.

But as I began to pray for her on a regular basis, God softened my whole heart and opened my eyes to consider her actions in a different light.

When you’re regularly praying for someone’s very best, you begin to view them differently.

And finally, remember that you’re not personally responsible for the outcome.

The fact is that you might live an exemplary life, always acting in love toward your neighbor, and still find that they hate you. And that’s okay.

In the Old Testament, God sends a message to the Israelites through the prophet Ezekiel. He knows the Israelites are “rebels” with rebellious hearts, so all throughout the book, God assures Ezekiel that his job is to remain holy (not to stoop to their level) and deliver the message, and whether his fellow Israelites receive it or not is on them.

When it comes down to it, your neighbor has to decide whether they’ll accept your love. You can’t do it for them. You can only take the stance of Joshua in the Old Testament and say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).

How can we be good neighbors to others?

Now that we’ve learned how to love our neighbors when they’re not acting very lovable, let’s take it a step further. How can we be good neighbors to others?

The parable of the Good Samaritan, found in the New Testament, offers some pretty profound lessons about compassion, kindness, and what it means to be a good neighbor.

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus Christ. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead on the side of the road. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side of the road. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Luke 10:25-37

Universal Compassion

The parable of the Good Samaritan emphasizes that our demonstrating the love of God toward others should not be limited by social, ethnic, or religious boundaries. The Samaritan helps a wounded man on the side of the road despite the deep-seated animosity between Jews and Samaritans, demonstrating that loving others transcends societal divisions.

Action Over Intent

The parable of the Good Samaritan also teaches us that being a good neighbor and truly loving others is demonstrated through our actions, not just our feelings or intentions. The Samaritan takes concrete steps to help the injured man, including providing medical care and ensuring his continued well-being, which highlights the importance of active assistance.

Empathy

The Samaritan is moved by empathy.

He sees the injured man on the side of the road and feels compassion, which propels him to act. This underscores the importance of putting yourself in another’s shoes and responding with kindness.

Redefining ‘Neighbor’

The parable of the Good Samaritan expands the definition of ‘neighbor’ not just beyond those living next door, but beyond geographical and social proximity, to include any human being in need. It challenges listeners to view everyone as their neighbor and to practice loving others universally.

Overall, the parable of the Good Samaritan teaches that being a good neighbor involves showing mercy, taking action to help those in need, and breaking down barriers that divide people. It calls for a compassionate, inclusive approach to humanity.

Love thy neighbour is a direct command for believers, whether our neighbors act lovable or not. But we can show love to the tough cases, through prayer and choosing to view both them and ourselves through the lens of God’s grace.

Which of your neighbors hasn’t been acting very lovable lately? What could you do to show them love? Do it today!

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